Because Of Pain

A great deal of pain has went on throughout mine and my husband’s relationship. Because I’ve been through this, I’ve felt as if we’ve been able to enjoy a level of closeness, which some may never know.

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We’ve been doing this relationship thing for about seventeen years now; we’ve had to do our fair share of work too, though! The fact is, both of us have brought pain upon the other, numerous times over the years.

I don’t ever want those experiences to repeat themselves. Why would I?! It’s necessary for us to learn from the difficulties we’ve been through though, so we can know how to refrain from doing whatever our part of it was again. If we made any mistakes! But let’s face it – both people each, usually make a mistake or two.

Not only is it good to be able to learn from our pain for the relationship, but I might be able to use the experience to be a guide to the younger couples who are just beginning their journey of wedded bliss. If the opportunity were to present itself. For instance, one of our struggles we’ve had to work through, has been throwing the past in each other’s faces.

“Remember the way you gave my insecurities a ride with the websites that you were visiting?”

“Oh yeah, well I seem to recall you not being the best parent, in not being responsible and paying your electric bill before I came along?”

Even saying that now, I can just feel the way my stomach starts to churn. It’s an ugly feeling, and it’s unnecessary.

Once something has been “put to bed” it’s detrimental to leave it there! Dredging up our past pain is a relationship no-no.

However, making it through these difficult times (after a block of time in between) can be a valuable asset to the intimacy within the marriage. And that’s because you see what you’ve been able to get through to overcome the difficulties, that you can now look at how the relationship was strengthened!

There’s a lot of deep pain we’ve had to go through, during the time we’ve been together and some of these things have taken much more than a few days or an apology. But we can save these for another time.

Battle Pain With Prayer

I don’t want to miss the opportunity to give credit to the power of prayer. We’ve got ourselves a very real enemy that’s quietly seeking to be a distraction by causing a division in our marriages. Distracting us from turning to God, the distraction to our working to have a healthier relationship with our spouses (or anyone). We can fight back with prayers!

Before we go making any decisions about our relationships, we’ve got to spend some time with God and ask Him for clarity. When we do this, we go to the One who’s got the solution for the circumstances that we’re in. My help is from the Lord!


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Ok then, how about you. How have you broken through the painful times in your relationship? Have you made a commitment to pray? Will you?

Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let’s not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we’ll reap a harvest if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:8-9

Inappropriate Flirting 

Flirting outside of your marriage is wrong, no matter what way you look at it. It’s never ok to do, and there’s no good reason for it!

Flirting with anyone, other than a spouse, is unnecessary when you’re married.

Trust me though, I completely get it!

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Nobody’s able to tick us off quite like a spouse! Then along comes Joe Blow, and he offers a little attention, right when we’re hurting for it – we obviously get tempted.

I mean, nothing’s wrong with a few “harmless” interactions. Our spouse may be more likely to pay better attention to us! Right? Wrong. Don’t. Do. It.

Flirting ISN’T the Answer

I’ve gotta say, it’s just mind-boggling to me, the amount of people that go through this type of thing. It’s a sure way to slowly kill your marriage!

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Only, I’m not sure why it’s so preposterous to me. I’ve had my fair share of opportunities to respond to a flirtatious man.

No Excuses for Extramarital Flirting

There’s no good reason for flirting outside of your relationship, though! It’s a catalyst for indiscretions.

“I’m just a friendly person!” That’s actually what one married guy – yep, there’s been more than one – said to my husband, when he confronted this “gentleman” about inappropriate advances towards me. Now this isn’t saying there’s no men (or women), who have truly friendly personalities, and then get accused of it being anything more!

Wake Up

Who in their right mind would buy this “friendly person” excuse, though? Particularly, when it’s clear as mud that your spouse’s friendliness is similar to that of a dog in heat! Since I’m keeping it real here, I don’t think that a flirting spouse has issues with being too much of a “social person”; the more likely issue, is they have to feed their obsessive ego.

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This is what an inappropriate flirt might look like:
– being overly polite to the opposite sex;
– having inappropriate phone conversations that aren’t ones they’d want their spouse to hear. How the flirting’s done doesn’t really matter; ALL the ways of doing it will likely lead to the dissolution of a marriage.

My ONLY Romantic Partner

My romance is given to one man that’s worthy of it – my husband. He can flirt with me until the end of time!

Whether he is or isn’t though, nobody else should even bother, because it isn’t a point that I’m willing to make in that way. I call this “being in a mature relationship”.

Marriage has enough struggles

without adding inappropriate behavior to the mix. That may just light a fire up that you’re unable to contain! I stated earlier how I’ve been on the receiving end of quite a few shameful advances, and for the most part I’ve got it covered, without requiring my husband’s involvement.

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So to the new, and future, gentlemen “friends” I make on social media, I offer you a few words of advice:

Don’t invite me on Messenger, DM or otherwise! Not interested.

– If your first remarks are about my physical appearance, these will also probably be your last remarks.

– I’ve been gifted with a very attentive husband; one who pays attention to details, such as when a gentleman “loves” pictures of me, that also happen to be ones without him in it. The value of your “friendship”, well, it means about a quarter of the amount his comfort level means.

Besides all of that though, I love connections that I’ve been able to make online! It’s a fantastic way of knowing who’s in your community, and sphere of influence; for both my career, and being able to provide (and/or receive) encouragement (and/or prayers) to (and/or from) my brothers and sisters in Christ.


  • What About You?


  • Are you presently married? Have you had problems with one of you inappropriately flirting? What words of wisdom can you offer to us? Talk with me in the comments below! Please! I’d love to hear about your experiences.