Because Of Pain

A great deal of pain has went on throughout mine and my husband’s relationship. Because I’ve been through this, I’ve felt as if we’ve been able to enjoy a level of closeness, which some may never know.

We’ve been doing this relationship thing for about seventeen years now; we’ve had to do our fair share of work too, though! The fact is, both of us have brought pain upon the other, numerous times over the years.

I don’t ever want those experiences to repeat themselves. Why would I?! It’s necessary for us to learn from the difficulties we’ve been through though, so we can know how to refrain from doing whatever our part of it was again. If we made any mistakes! But let’s face it – both people each, usually make a mistake or two.

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Not only is it good to be able to learn from our pain for the relationship, but I might be able to use the experience to be a guide to the younger couples who are just beginning their journey of wedded bliss. If the opportunity were to present itself. For instance, one of our struggles we’ve had to work through, has been throwing the past in each other’s faces.

“Remember the way you gave my insecurities a ride with the websites that you were visiting?”

“Oh yeah, well I seem to recall you not being the best parent, in not being responsible and paying your electric bill before I came along?”

Even saying that now, I can just feel the way my stomach starts to churn. It’s an ugly feeling, and it’s unnecessary.

Once something has been “put to bed” it’s detrimental to leave it there! Dredging up our past pain is a relationship no-no.

However, making it through these difficult times (after a block of time in between) can be a valuable asset to the intimacy within the marriage. And that’s because you see what you’ve been able to get through to overcome the difficulties, that you can now look at how the relationship was strengthened!

There’s a lot of deep pain we’ve had to go through, during the time we’ve been together and some of these things have taken much more than a few days or an apology. But we can save these for another time.

Battle Pain With Prayer

I don’t want to miss the opportunity to give credit to the power of prayer. We’ve got ourselves a very real enemy that’s quietly seeking to be a distraction by causing a division in our marriages. Distracting us from turning to God, the distraction to our working to have a healthier relationship with our spouses (or anyone). We can fight back with prayers!

Before we go making any decisions about our relationships, we’ve got to spend some time with God and ask Him for clarity. When we do this, we go to the One who’s got the solution for the circumstances that we’re in. My help is from the Lord!

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Ok then, how about you. How have you broken through the painful times in your relationship? Have you made a commitment to pray? Will you?

Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let’s not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we’ll reap a harvest if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:8-9

Consumed Thoughts

Letting your thoughts become consumed with your needs is a sure-fire way to be drawn straight into the worrying trap.

I have dealt with anxiety. So, in saying that, I know exactly how it feels to be a “worry-wart”. I’ve also learned some of my triggers that sets the anxiety up. It has everything to do with a little thing called “ME-syndrome”. (I made it up, so don’t bother looking in WebMD.)

If I want to get drawn straight into the worrying trap, alls I have to do is allow my thinking to get consumed by the things that “I need”. Oh, and everything I must do in order to meet those needs!

Anxiety Attack

Ah, the good ol’ worrying trap..we’re longtime friends. Do you know each other? It’s that place where you torment yourself with your own awful thoughts. Maybe I’ve seen a few of you frequenting it when I was visiting? No? Anxiety’s a neat place.

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For kicks, while I’m visiting, I then like to grab ahold of myself, plus whatever issue is going on, and make some attempts at taking charge. Like the lady boss I am. Ahem. A piece of advice? Such a bad idea!

What I didn’t realize, during this particular time of my life, was that my worrying was just a symptom of my faith that was lacking. I was way too busy questioning everything I’ve known to be true – such as, the promises given to me in Scripture. What it really came down to, was that I doubted whether God would actually come through for me.


I don’t know who’d choose to continue living on Anxiety Blvd. Thank goodness I found myself a solution, to get the heck out of Dodge!

In order to overcome the anxiety, what worked for me, was shifting my focus off of what I “needed” and instead casting those concerns onto the One who already knows what all of my needs are.

It’s Comical When I Think Back

During some of my biggest scenes of worrying, I recall talking to myself became kind of my thing. Super exciting conversation! IF you enjoy those rides where you spin around (and around) on them, going absolutely nowhere – except in a hunchback position preparing for what you’re about to up-chuck.

Living in a constant state of worry was suffocating all of the life right out of me. Chaos, at its finest, was taking place! And I much prefer experiencing a life of peace.

If that’s true, if I really crave that sense of peacefulness, then there really was no question of what I had to do: I needed to get on my knees and start praying!

Now, I have always prayed. Daily, actually. But at this point in time, what I needed was to take it a step further. Which, for me, was kneeling in a quiet room and laying it all out there for God.

I began to also learn to spot the telltale signs of chaos attempting to worm its way in. Then, immediately redirect them suckers. I had gotten to a place of refusal. There wasn’t going to be one more second I allowed my anxiety to steal the show.

And again, the key was prayer. Giving every “but what if” to God in honest, heartfelt, on my knees prayer. Sometimes repetitively! And I’ll keep doing it, too! When you find a tried-and-true method to overcome something, letting it consume you again would be, well, chaotic…

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