Consumed Thoughts

Letting your thoughts become consumed with your needs is a sure-fire way to be drawn straight into the worrying trap.

I have dealt with anxiety. So, with that being said, I know exactly what it feels like to be a “worry-wart”. I’ve also learned some of my triggers that sets the anxiety up. It has everything to do with a little thing called “ME-syndrome”. (I made it up, so don’t bother looking in WebMD.)

If I want to get drawn straight into the worrying trap, alls I have to do is allow my thinking to get consumed by the things that “I need”. Oh, and everything I must do in order to meet those needs! 

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Ah, the worrying trap..we’re old friends. Do you know of it? That place where you’re tormented by your own awful thoughts? I think I’ve seen a few of you frequenting it in my own visits, no? Good ol’ Anxiety Blvd. Neat place. 

For kicks, while I’m visiting, I then like to grab ahold of myself, plus whatever issue is going on, and make some attempts at taking charge. Like the lady boss I am. Ahem. A piece of advice? Such a bad idea! 

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What I didn’t realize, during this particular time of my life, was that my worrying was just a symptom of my faith that was lacking. I was way too busy questioning everything I’ve known to be true – such as, the promises given to me in Scripture. What it really came down to, was that I doubted whether God would actually come through for me. 

I don’t know who would ever choose to keep living there on Anxiety Blvd. Thank goodness, I found a solution on how to get the heck out of there!

In order to overcome the anxiety, what worked for me, was shifting my focus off of what I “needed” and instead casting those concerns onto the One who already knows what all of my needs are. 

It’s Comical When I Think Back
During some of my biggest scenes of worrying, I recall talking to myself became kind of my thing. Super exciting conversation! IF you enjoy those rides where you spin around (and around) on them, going absolutely nowhere – except in a hunchback position preparing for what you’re about to up-chuck. 

Living in a constant state of worry was suffocating all of the life right out of me. Chaos, at its finest, was taking place! And I much prefer experiencing a life of peace. 

If that’s true, if I really crave that sense of peacefulness, then there really was no question of what I had to do: I needed to get on my knees and start praying! 

Now, I have always prayed. Daily, actually. But at this point in time, what I needed was to take it a step further. Which, for me, was kneeling in a quiet room and laying it all out there for God. 

I began to also learn to spot the telltale signs of chaos attempting to worm its way in. Then, immediately redirect them suckers. I had gotten to a place of refusal. There wasn’t going to be one more second I allowed my anxiety to steal the show. 

And again, the key was prayer. Giving every “but what if” to God in honest, heartfelt, on my knees prayer. Sometimes repetitively! And I’ll keep doing it, too! When you find a tried-and-true method to overcome something, letting it consume you again would be, well, chaotic… 

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Control Freaks Welcome Comfort Zones

I think Christopher is much happier with the somewhat more relaxed version of me. I would be if I was him.

To me, there was NOTHING wrong with taking control of things. ALL things. Someone’s got to take the reigns, right?? Everybody else seemed to feel the differently.

Controllas Gonna Control
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I like to be in control – the sense of knowing what should be coming next is a comfort zone for me. Or, that was my perception.

Reality has been such an eye-opener for my family – or I should say that thinking little old me has any clue as to what should be coming next is pretty ridiculous. Let’s look at exhibit A, shall we?

My daughter’s wedding is coming in the next month. Correction: less than a month. During this time most of my household will need to have our clothes for the special day picked out; make sure that Brooke approves of the clothes; let the people who have been trying to plan what they want to wear know of our clothing choices (what the parents of the bride are wearing is apparently a thing); possibly have backup plans – because having a 5-year-old and being far from home are factors; PLUS be ready to celebrate the homecoming of my brother who will be transferred back for the first time in his military career the night before the wedding. Needless to say, hardy har har, that being clued in on how the agenda lines up is quite – unlikely  – hmm – and needing to just be thrown out of the window as of now. 

“The more you try to control something, the more it controls you. Free yourself, and let things take their own natural course.”

The “living in the moment” season has made its way to the family stage. One might say that this is the best way to live; my family knows that I have to overly prepare myself for this fact, though. (Yes, you read that right…I have to prepare for living in the moment.)

However, I think that we all should be in our comfort zone – since everything will work out according to the heavenly Father’s plans. With my somewhat begrudgingly coming to terms with this more over these last couple of years, I learned that I could feel tremendous peace by trusting Him to have everything under control. To be faithfully dependent on a God that has never changed, has always been there – then include the part of His having already mapped out each detail, it kind of feels like a weight has been lifted. My family can be assured that everything will work out beautifully. Everything is going to work beautifully. The act of trust, it wickedly slays knowing what’s next. 

Stop snoring