I chose to do things that would change my life at a young age. They’d end up forcing me to become an adult, at the young age of 16. It wasn’t a road I was going to let my kids go down! My hope was that it wouldn’t be anyways.
This would all come to a screeching halt, on the day when a neighbor came to our door. She came, the same as any responsible adult would, because she thought we’d want to know what our daughter was doing. Her husband had begun to notice this vehicle coming around in the mornings over the past week or two, that was parking around the corner of our house. It would sit there, until our freshman daughter would come get into it.
Of course, I didn’t have to think twice before confronting our daughter and finding out more about the things that our neighbor was telling us! After the initial attempts of trying to backpedal, she was forthcoming about seeing this young man. Her new “friend” had previously gone to our church, and I vaguely knew of him.
Not My Daughter
What it ultimately came down to was our daughter was a child and he was an adult. That was at the top of the concerns we had. Even though the age difference was only by a few years, at 15, this was a huge gap.
I was also fearful of how this situation could for her, considering my own experiences. My kids have always been the greatest gifts to me, but it was tough being a teenage mother. At 39, I’ve never had an opportunity to experience life on my own, as an adult.
All I knew was that this “relationship” was absolutely unacceptable! But the way we chose to handle the matter was purely out of desperation.
A Mother on the Warpath
Knowing that the young man was legally an adult was going to be part of my leverage. Threatening to take legal action on him to my daughter, I took advantage of the fact that she seemingly had feelings for the young man. I also knew I’d need to have a little more reason, to convince myself of doing something like this.
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Not too long after this, a phone call came from the school principal. He was advising us this young man was at the campus, and visiting our daughter at lunch. When they found him there, the principal gave him a warning, and told him that he’d be speaking to law enforcement the next time.
I felt like this was all they’d need to begin the process of separation. But I did have a run-in with him a couple of weeks later, one night when our family was at the birthday party of one of our cousins. I saw him as he was walking in, with his friend and I knew it was time for me to personally confront him. The blood inside my veins was beginning to boil, as I was walking up, glaring directly at this young adult man! Looking dead on in his eyes, I put my warning out very clear, that he’d do well to keep his distance from our daughter.
Between a Rock and a Hard Spot
The communication between the two of them had seemingly come to a stop. But I didn’t know it was going to be as awful as it was, to see the heartache our daughter was going through. I could actually almost feel her pain, as though my own heart was breaking. Knowing my girl was feeling lost, sensing it behind her smile, tore me apart! I had also been feeling a distance in the relationship between the two of us. Ultimately though, I was aware that our duty as parents was in protecting her, however we were needing to.
More time went by, then I got a message sent to me from the young man, about the feelings that he was having for my girl. I admit, I didn’t know what the hell to think about this being told to me!
He was asking for a chance to make things right, and try to earn mine and my husband’s respect. At that moment, my heart wasn’t able to begin processing if it was even something I was wanting to do. I did feel a little bit of respect though, for the courage it took to send me the message.
A Young Adult
It came as a complete surprise to my husband, when I went to him a short time later, and said that it was a chance that we could give to allow him to show that he was capable of having a mature relationship with our daughter. Her 16th birthday was coming, so we told him that my husband was going to meet him and they’d be discussing how this might be something we’d agree to, if their talk went okay. We made the decision to be discreet by not mentioning all of this to our daughter, this way if things weren’t going to work out, she wouldn’t be heartbroken all over again.
Things went good with their discussion, and my husband was comfortable with moving forward with the decision. Our cousin was coming to the house to do our daughter’s hair, and when she was done, she’d be getting ready to go out to do something. While she was upstairs finishing up, he came in and was waiting, talking to everyone downstairs. I had gone up to get her, and as I went to turn around to see her face, she saw him and instantly her smile began to brighten! Thus, was the beginning of their “official” relationship.
It was a pleasant surprise for us to see the responsibility our daughter and her boyfriend were showing. He was doing positive things to reinforce his desire to earn our respect, and we could finally see all the things that we heard about the wonderful family he came from, in his actions.
A Part of the Family
We took trips to the beach, with appropriate sleeping arrangements, of course. There were a lot of times we’d just be hanging out at the house. And then there was the day we all were in attendance for our girl’s graduation, which she made possible to do a year early with the extra work she was needing to put in. The holidays were quickly approaching, when he would ask for a meeting with my husband. He was very respectful in the way that he’d ask for my husband’s blessing to propose to our daughter.
It wasn’t a big surprise to me, because his commitment to her, was very apparent. Of course, we had our concerns about her age – she was only 18! I’d imagine this would be a concern for the majority of parents, in this particular situation. We didn’t have any questions about them being in love though, and their relationship had withstood quite a bit already!
His proposal was done when they were by themselves, right after they were back from spending the Thanksgiving holiday with his family. She immediately sent a picture of the ring on her finger, and then they told us to get ready to plan a wedding!
Next on their agenda, was moving into their own place. Then in May this year was their fantastic wedding ceremony, with all our family in attendance. I love watching our daughter and new son-in-law in this new season of their life!
They’re a lovely pair, and are doing a great job of building their life together. I’m absolutely overflowing with praise for God, and the way which He’s always bringing everything together! It’s a great reminder of the way He’s able to take our mistakes, and make them into something else much more beautiful than we could ever imagine!
Ok, I’ve told you about one of the heart-stopping moments of my parenting journey so, now it’s your turn. What have these moments been able to show you? How could you have been able to handle these differently, when looking back on them? Share in the comments, so I can read about your methods of problem-solving! If you’re interested in following along my journey, then subscribe to get future updates.
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I do appreciate y’all taking the time to read my thoughts! God bless xoxoxo