Becoming an Adult

I chose things for my life at a young age, that’d end up forcing me to become an adult pretty quickly.

I chose to do things that would change my life at a young age. They’d end up forcing me to become an adult, at the young age of 16. It wasn’t a road I was going to let my kids go down! My hope was that it wouldn’t be anyways.

This would all come to a screeching halt, on the day when a neighbor came to our door. She came, the same as any responsible adult would, because she thought we’d want to know what our daughter was doing. Her husband had begun to notice this vehicle coming around in the mornings over the past week or two, that was parking around the corner of our house. It would sit there, until our freshman daughter would come get into it.

Of course, I didn’t have to think twice before confronting our daughter and finding out more about the things that our neighbor was telling us! After the initial attempts of trying to backpedal, she was forthcoming about seeing this young man. Her new “friend” had previously gone to our church, and I vaguely knew of him.

Not My Daughter

What it ultimately came down to was our daughter was a child and he was an adult. That was at the top of the concerns we had. Even though the age difference was only by a few years, at 15, this was a huge gap.

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I was also fearful of how this situation could for her, considering my own experiences. My kids have always been the greatest gifts to me, but it was tough being a teenage mother. At 39, I’ve never had an opportunity to experience life on my own, as an adult.

All I knew was that this “relationship” was absolutely unacceptable! But the way we chose to handle the matter was purely out of desperation.

A Mother on the Warpath

Knowing that the young man was legally an adult was going to be part of my leverage. Threatening to take legal action on him to my daughter, I took advantage of the fact that she seemingly had feelings for the young man. I also knew I’d need to have a little more reason, to convince myself of doing something like this.

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Not too long after this, a phone call came from the school principal. He was advising us this young man was at the campus, and visiting our daughter at lunch. When they found him there, the principal gave him a warning, and told him that he’d be speaking to law enforcement the next time.

I felt like this was all they’d need to begin the process of separation. But I did have a run-in with him a couple of weeks later, one night when our family was at the birthday party of one of our cousins. I saw him as he was walking in, with his friend and I knew it was time for me to personally confront him. The blood inside my veins was beginning to boil, as I was walking up, glaring directly at this young adult man! Looking dead on in his eyes, I put my warning out very clear, that he’d do well to keep his distance from our daughter.

Between a Rock and a Hard Spot

The communication between the two of them had seemingly come to a stop. But I didn’t know it was going to be as awful as it was, to see the heartache our daughter was going through. I could actually almost feel her pain, as though my own heart was breaking. Knowing my girl was feeling lost, sensing it behind her smile, tore me apart! I had also been feeling a distance in the relationship between the two of us. Ultimately though, I was aware that our duty as parents was in protecting her, however we were needing to.

More time went by, then I got a message sent to me from the young man, about the feelings that he was having for my girl. I admit, I didn’t know what the hell to think about this being told to me!

He was asking for a chance to make things right, and try to earn mine and my husband’s respect. At that moment, my heart wasn’t able to begin processing if it was even something I was wanting to do. I did feel a little bit of respect though, for the courage it took to send me the message.

A Young Adult

It came as a complete surprise to my husband, when I went to him a short time later, and said that it was a chance that we could give to allow him to show that he was capable of having a mature relationship with our daughter. Her 16th birthday was coming, so we told him that my husband was going to meet him and they’d be discussing how this might be something we’d agree to, if their talk went okay. We made the decision to be discreet by not mentioning all of this to our daughter, this way if things weren’t going to work out, she wouldn’t be heartbroken all over again.

Things went good with their discussion, and my husband was comfortable with moving forward with the decision. Our cousin was coming to the house to do our daughter’s hair, and when she was done, she’d be getting ready to go out to do something. While she was upstairs finishing up, he came in and was waiting, talking to everyone downstairs. I had gone up to get her, and as I went to turn around to see her face, she saw him and instantly her smile began to brighten! Thus, was the beginning of their “official” relationship.

It was a pleasant surprise for us to see the responsibility our daughter and her boyfriend were showing. He was doing positive things to reinforce his desire to earn our respect, and we could finally see all the things that we heard about the wonderful family he came from, in his actions.

A Part of the Family

We took trips to the beach, with appropriate sleeping arrangements, of course. There were a lot of times we’d just be hanging out at the house. And then there was the day we all were in attendance for our girl’s graduation, which she made possible to do a year early with the extra work she was needing to put in. The holidays were quickly approaching, when he would ask for a meeting with my husband. He was very respectful in the way that he’d ask for my husband’s blessing to propose to our daughter.

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It wasn’t a big surprise to me, because his commitment to her, was very apparent. Of course, we had our concerns about her age – she was only 18! I’d imagine this would be a concern for the majority of parents, in this particular situation. We didn’t have any questions about them being in love though, and their relationship had withstood quite a bit already!

His proposal was done when they were by themselves, right after they were back from spending the Thanksgiving holiday with his family. She immediately sent a picture of the ring on her finger, and then they told us to get ready to plan a wedding!

Shacking Up

Next on their agenda, was moving into their own place. Then in May this year was their fantastic wedding ceremony, with all our family in attendance. I love watching our daughter and new son-in-law in this new season of their life!

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They’re a lovely pair, and are doing a great job of building their life together. I’m absolutely overflowing with praise for God, and the way which He’s always bringing everything together! It’s a great reminder of the way He’s able to take our mistakes, and make them into something else much more beautiful than we could ever imagine!

Ok, I’ve told you about one of the heart-stopping moments of my parenting journey so, now it’s your turn. What have these moments been able to show you? How could you have been able to handle these differently, when looking back on them? Share in the comments, so I can read about your methods of problem-solving! If you’re interested in following along my journey, then subscribe to get future updates.

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I do appreciate y’all taking the time to read my thoughts! God bless xoxoxo

Quit Making Me Mom Every Single Day! Or I’m Telling!

Once you’ve got a child, you’ve lost all chance of being a woman who has no worries. Might as well accept that those days are finito. They’re yours, your theirs..forever!

And sometimes, that kind of annoys me.

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But it still kinda irritates me sometimes. 

So, let’s talk about what we’re STILL trying to get a grasp on as being just a part of our normal Mom routines, shall we? Things like – 

ETA? Um…How About 2 hrs. Past NEVER. I’ve always been a bit of a “Hitler” about leaving the house on time for things. So, I’m not what you’d call – patient. Talk about dragging your fingernails slowly down a chalkboard; and with my youngest? AND my husband to wait on?? Good God! I’m a hot, stinkin’ mess once that car’s finally moving.
Some of you mothers know nothing about what it is that I’m preaching on. Simply because, your rare breed seems to have all of your wits about you when you’re arriving to your destination (with prettily painted fingernails to boot!!).

However – and I’m just taking a shot in the dark here – we’re going to go ahead and assume that you, too, have to go through similar checklists to even make it out the door; this mom has to have the babydoll at all times, a device for the YouTube videos to get watched on, a sweater – just in case it gets cold in 99 degree weather, oh!, and an extra drink..because, you know it’s not a true adventure without making at least TWO restroom stops. (My next vehicle MAY have some kind of port-a-potty contraption in it, I’m just sayin’.)

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Pro-Mom Tip: Forgotten Necessities. “Oh dang, hon, I forgot the stinkin’ milk.” Grab the purse, iPhone (and charger), then book it. Sometimes, if for nothing else, just to prove – to myself – that I still have the ability to keep my head on straight when leaving the house.
And for those 25 minutes, y’all..boyyyy howdy! I am THAT girl. You know..that one who’s living freely, and not the frazzled mom back in reality world? Or, at least in my mind I pretend to be. And you can bet your sweet bottom that I’m getting back home RIGHT on that 25 minute dot! Mhmm. Because, pfft, I don’t have hold-ups making just ME late, no siree, Bob! #bossstatus

Date Nights. Looking back, I really spent a helluva lot of time beautifying myself for date nights! You know? The days when we’d 100% drink too much, and party too hard; resulting in skipped classes at the college, and calling into work that next day. When we also had the chance to sleep it off, if anything, just (maybe) waking up in spurts. Remember those crazy, irresponsible days? “Baby, come back!”
Back then, there was no having to PLAN ahead, to then PLAN a day and time with someone trustworthy, someone who’s willing and able to offer this mom and dad a little reprieve.
Ahh. To be able to do what you want, when you want it! That’s not really something that you ever think about losing. Yes, yes…I completely get that my youngest eventually won’t require as much of our time (ha! Lies BTW..all lies!!) however, right now I’m beat. 

Pro-Mom Tip: Taking the time that’s available. These little moments might be when the kids are home; at the times they’re busy doing something in their room..for however short of time that is. However – those uninterrupted few minutes, of being able to converse with my husband, is something I now understand should never go wasted!
We’ve had some nights where our first real conversation’s of the day in our bed, when all the lights are out and the kids are in their beds, to just catch up on each other. I can’t stress the importance of this, because for me, it’s a way of feeling our souls still connect on a mental level. That brings a sense of peace to my heart. 

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Missing Me. I don’t think this longing is mentioned quite as much as the others, maybe because it could come off as a tad needy or selfish? Who knows? But missing who I am (or was, because I’m sure I’ve changed) as an individual, NOT as a mother, is something I believe that most moms have felt.
Now, I do get those school-day hours to be without the youngest child (which begs the question of “WTH were you doing by signing up as a room mom?!”), but the times when I do get “mommy freedom” – well, it’s not really for mommy per se. That is, if you’re still trying to earn a living!!

ALL of “my time” during the school-days will typically be spent on marketing my real estate business: working on obtaining more clients, showing homes to buyers, running market reports for sellers, following up by emails and phone calls, while constantly checking on how much time I have until I need to be at the school for the final bell. The hours seem to speed by, and there never seems to be enough of them to get what needs to be accomplished completely finished.
We won’t even mention (honestly, because I can’t remember) the last time I got my hair done. Not being able to focus completely, on whatever it is that I’m doing, is just a normal part of life these days. I mean, focusing is kind of hard to do when there’s constantly clocks ticking in your brain!
OH, but my brain…it endures so much. God help me, if one day it chooses to fail on me. 

Pro-Mom Tip: One Day at a Time. As I go through everything that’s required to get done for the day: my work, home stuff, kids stuff, pet stuff, etc. – this brain of mine has started searching for ways to get it all done, with the least amount of stress possible! I’m much more aware of things that I do with my time, so that I’m able to make the absolute most out of my minutes in the day.
Very rarely will you catch me in an “Oops! I just mindlessly spent way more time on social media than I intended to” moment. Instead of just “yessing” it up to everyone, I’ll think through whether I’m successfully setting myself up to complete the request in the time that I have available.

I appreciate the other agents in my profession who are able to identify with me on this, too. Because, like in any other job, there’s those who will make comments about whether there’s true commitment if you’re always pulling the family card.
Just in case I need to make it a little more clear for anyone, for where I’m concerned: MY priorities will always fall in the direct order of God, Family, Career. They each have significant importance in my life, but certainly not equal importance.
And guess what, y’all? If I came upon a potential client who didn’t understand these priorities, I’d happily refer them to another agent! One just as fantastic (well..close enough anyway 😉 and more suitable for their requirements. ‘Nuff said.
To close this unintentional rant, it’s gotta be said, that I’ve been extremely blessed with the majority of my clients! There has been NO question of my work ethic, and I’m humbled to call most of them friends now. #micdrop

My (Too) Thin Figure. The craziest thing I think I’m able to laugh at now, is the way that my current body’s not as..shall we say, easily molded as it once was. Kinda like everything else that you lose control of when you enter motherhood, I suppose!
The desire to be the “perfect” weight still exists..based on much healthier perspectives of what “perfect” entails. I don’t feel bad at all about wanting to look – and feel – good!
The small things I do to work towards this might seem like a waste of time to the outside viewer, but for me, these small things can make all the difference. The days I have more work to do from the computer, I might wear my yoga pants. So that I’m able to do comfortable stretching and leg lifts, in between or while doing my tasks. I’ll use up every bit of muscle strength I have in the “small stuff”, too! I’m finishing those damn reps, yo.
I try to take time to fix myself up, not to where it’s a job getting ready, but to where I feel…kinda beautiful? Bonus: having a life partner who never fails to make me feel as if I’m anything other than attractive – even through some of my most hideous days! 

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Pro-Mom Tip: Facing Reality. Whether it’s taking a little bit of unexpected money that comes in to use for buying a new accessory, or getting a new pair of jeans because I’ve finally lost a few pounds, I have to choose nice treats for myself every now and then. A teeny boost for the ego never hurt anyone! Small rewards make me beam with pride at my accomplishments. Taking care of myself and striving to be more fit helps a lot when you get frequent physical reminders that, like it or not, you are getting older. BUT breaking the bank’s never a good solution! However, getting things that I already need, and doing so in helping me to keep my motivation up, is part of me taking care of myself. So, splurge on the manicure occasionally, ladies! Don’t feel bad about getting that yummy plate of Chinese food for yourself before everyone gets home. It’s ok to have a rare indulgence in peace!

I couldn’t possibly name all the blessings that go hand-in-hand with mothering. It literally saved my life, from the way I see it – even though I try my best not to wring their little necks on some days. HaHa! The reality is, I’m never going to have things back from the life of pre-4 children days. I’m always going to be a mother! No matter how old they get. And I’ll admit – go ahead, you can too – I really despise some of the things that motherhood brings with it sometimes. Don’t bother trying to convince me to just love it all. Because if you do, well then, I’m telling!

I’m focusing my vision these days on the beauty found in the Kindergarten art and bedtime stories! I mean. Why focus on the walls that have been colored on and fit-throwing?

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I’d love to hear your own stories of surviving motherhood!

How have you gotten a grasp on your day-to-day routines? HAVE you gotten a grasp? Share the love with me in the comments about it! Keep mommin’, girls! You’re doing great! Xoxoxo
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