Loves of My Life, The Times Your Mom Did Everything Wrong…

Summary…Maybe there’s another mama out there, who questions everything they’ve done; here’s a note to my beautiful children, about the ways I attempted being a good parent, so maybe you’ll identify.

To my loves,


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Occasionally, my brain doesn’t let me rest at night, so my thoughts go to how fast time has gone. Those chubby baby cheeks aren’t as easy to remember now, the bright gleams in your eyes don’t hold that same curiosity, and physically taking care of yourself..with the exception of Jocelynn..has become your own responsibility.

There’s times I’ve been anxious watching this take place; sad, even. I long for having my loves all together, always. There’s other times it’s thrilling, watching how your maturing, and seeing the adventures that await you.

I try being content, with all the things we’ve gotten to experience and learn from each other. How lucky was I?? To get to be with you, for every milestone.

Here’s My Concerns, Loves

My concerns are:
Did my joy show enough, in the times we were together?
Did I accomplish my goal to provide for you?
Have you understood what it means to receive love?
Have you been miserable, with me as your mom?


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My hopes of doing this mothering thing gracefully, haven’t always been the most successful.
My hopes were to be a kind mom – but frustrations won out, a lot of the times. Not always…

Failure would seem to show up, repeatedly, for me.

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Occasionally…

– Occasionally, I’d get upset my loves, only because I’d worry. I wish I’d have been slower reacting.
– Occasionally, I gave advice and was a stickler for routine, because it was how I was processing things. I wish I’d have sat down and just had a conversation with you.
– Occasionally, I made assumptions, when I didn’t know what else to do, and I’d read everything all wrong.


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Occasionally, I was out of line. A real dummy.
And I acknowledge that. I still don’t get it right all the time, but my heart breaks knowing I wasn’t always what you were needing me to be.

Here’s (Some of) What I Did All Wrong…

I was running on fumes, many times..too burnt out to have anything emotionally left to give, once I’d finally be at home with you. Loves, you need to know how sick this makes me feel – it’s the reality of it, though.

I couldn’t give you all the parts you needed from me, because I was trying to dull the anxiety I’d have. Anxiety about working long days, and then coming home to be your mom for what felt like such a short time.
Anxiety about going back to a stressful situation at work. I was trying to grow up too quick, at too young an age, for a long time and you know something? I’ve done this adult gig for a while now, and it’s not all they really crack it up to be!

I’ve dealt with paralyzing fear of something happening to me, or even worse, you! It could get to be pretty overwhelming.

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I wish this hadn’t been the case, that way I could’ve just sat with you and be…Be lighthearted, and relaxed. It gets lost on me, to show the joy that I’m feeling from simply just being with you.

That’s a quality I’m really trying to change, for these next years with Jocelynn and Isaac. Showing emotion doesn’t come naturally to me, and I’ve seen the same things in your reactions at times.

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Which Way?

I didn’t know the direction my life was going for a while, and I attempted to constantly figure that out. In the end though, I wound up losing time with the loves of my life, in the quest to find the path I needed to be on.

I had my own issues for a long time – heck, don’t we all? I heard words like – anxiety, depression, borderline bipolar, eating disorders – bantered about. NONE having anything to do with you guys, though. You’ve been the greatest gifts of my life.

This Is The Thing…

I can replay every memory we ever made, and find something to feel guilty about in each of them. But I wouldn’t be doing the great parts justice, and I refuse to give those up!

My heart’s filled with such pride at who you’re becoming. SUCH PRIDE!!

You’re the best parts of me. My superheroes!

God went over and above, giving me all of you. There’s so much good inside you, and you’ve got such awesome and strong personalities! I love it.

You’re Team Is Now On the Clock

You’re my favorite team to root for – and I’d rep your jerseys (and draft you on my fantasy league) any day.

Don’t ever stop playing this game of life. I know what you bring to the table. Let your mama know (albeit gently) when I’m falling short. Tell me what’s in your hearts; tell me what you feel you’re lacking. Let me remind you of your greatness.

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I’ll never be perfect, y’all, however..I’m going to do my absolute best, to keep our relationships strong. That’s more important to me than you know.

My Vision as Your Mother

My vision is, that you’ll learn from my mistakes;
My vision is, should you find yourselves searching for some of life’s answers, or you become frightened with the unknown – that you’ll remember not to miss out on the sure things in front of you.

During the quiet conversations I have with God, I frequently ask Him to give you wisdom to accept yourselves – mess-ups and all. God, I wish I’d done this. I ask Him to help you have courage to face things head-on, and not fall victims to life circumstances..just be in the present, forgive yourselves often, forgive others even more often – and never, ever give up!

You’re going to fail! Don’t worry about it too much, though.

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It’s a Gift

You’re mama was given a gift at messing up, and I’m still adding on some screw ups every now and then! Because, you know, to prove I’m good at it.

You’re gonna make ’em, too..trust me! It’ll still never change how you sparkle in my eyes. I got the pot of gold, when I was given the four of you – your my “why’s“.

The days go quickly, but every once in a while, you get a small glimpse of hope. Every once in a while, you decide to take a chance.

Then, you grab life by the balls and squeeze. Nothing else matters, nobody else’s opinion counts.

It’s then, when you catch that peek, your eyes begin opening! Right then, you see the people who matter, and really begin to understand them. That’s when you’ll feel some empowerment!

In awe.

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So today, as I’ve still got two of y’all learning how to spread your wings (psst, you never really stop learning), I need you to know how fantastic you all are. I’m constantly awed by you..I look up to you, my darling little inspirations.
You’re my inspirations, to be more than I could’ve ever imagined. Your parents? Well, we’re imperfect and always will be, but we’ve got each other. All of us. As long as we never let that go, we’re “gucci”!

Funny how things end up, isn’t it? I’ve taken multiple medications through the years, and none ever did squat for allowing me to focus. Different doctors, too…But not one of these things has given me clarity, like what I’ve gotten watching you. (God MAY have had a hand, also) Nothing compares to that.

I love you,

Mom

Have a Go at It

Do you understand what I go through as a mother? What’s been your experiences? Tell me about it below! And don’t forget to subscribe. Thank you for coming along on my journey! Xoxoxo

The 210: Why I Love My City 

I was born and raised right here in good ol’ “San Antone”, or you may hear the other natives like myself, refer to it as the 210. I left for small periods, as a young child, to live briefly in both Houston and Austin.

Growing Into It I’ve never disliked this city, but I definitely didn’t always see its beauty, as I do now. Could be, that I had the whole indifference thing every teenage girl has, too. But regardless, it’s grown on me more than ever over these last five years or so. By grown, I mean being a part of who I am, like I’m probably never going to leave. 

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True Love in the 210

Ok how can you really love “the 210” that intensely? These are some of the best things it has to offer:

1. Our Residents With All Our Traditions This place has traditions like no other, and the residents are committed to keeping these alive. It’s refreshing to see the children finding out the way that others live, like it’s second nature, by just having friends they hang out with, and seeing so for themselves through those relationships. It’s great to have educational field trips and all, but it’s also not necessary; all we have to do is travel about 30 minutes to the North, South, East or West sides of the 210.

2. Breakfast

No matter how many times I’ve had it, my mouth waters at the thought of getting breakfast tacos, even still. Now when my mouth says “breakfast”, my brain’s actually focused on BARBACOA..or carne guisada (with cheese), OH! and we can’t forget chorizo and egg!!

The kids always get their normal boring crap, but at least they’ll eat it anytime, anywhere. And at least they’re okay with getting them at pretty much any location, that way I can decide what it is that I’m in the mood for, then choose the place.

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Opinions Are Like… Now, other family members of ours, and friends, have their own two cents, as to who offers the most tasty eats on the menu, which is fine, because it just adds to my list of places that we have to go and try. And, there’s oh so many. 

3. Educational Outings
There’s a ridiculous amount of places to choose from, but you can’t really go wrong with any of them in the 210. Almost all are fairly priced, plus, during the summer there’s plenty of places that have offers for special days you can get in cheaper, or maybe even for nothing at all.


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The children seem really excited about Morgan’s Wonderland, and the San Antonio Aquarium, with all of the hands-on activities they can do. (Plus it’s always super adorable to watch them play AND learn at the same time!) The place most like the best, is the Alamo.

Remember the Alamo Centered right in Downtown S.A. at 300 Alamo Plaza, our “little” piece of history absolutely shapes this city. Be sure to check out the Educator Workshop – The Legends of Texas: From Mission to Shrine on Saturday, August 5 going on 9am-4pm and First Saturday at the Alamo on Saturday, September 2 going on from 9:30am-4:30pm. These may have participation fees and/or registration, so be sure to check out the website. 

Downtown S.A. at 300 Alamo Plaza

4. Fiesta

My birthday’s April 20, so I always got to go to Fiesta for a good day. In the “old days” it was so much fun to plan what days we were going to do what events.


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An example, driving all around town to pick up tons of folks, to head down for NIOSA (Night in Old San Antonio). The great thing is, you’ve got tons of things to choose from.

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5. Get Your Tan On We do tend to get annoyed with the heat, and stay in until the hottest part of the day passes. But, there’s really so much to enjoy outdoors in the 210.

We’ve got a ridiculous amount of parks and places to hike, or if you’ve got little ones, you’ve got the pick of the litter when it comes to playscapes. With my 2 youngest home for the summer, and them being at great ages to experience new things that they haven’t before, we’re discovering the new play area of Hemisfair Park, libraries around town, parades..the list is endless.



Eat, Drink and…Play? If we want to stop for a bite to eat, we don’t have to go to McDonald’s or ChicFilA to let the littlest play. Quite a few restaurants have sand areas, and more, for her to enjoy, while we get a yummy meal (and maybe a margarita for the grown folk).

6. We’re Family

Just to review, you shouldn’t be questioning at this point all the things this city has to do. Even better is, you kind of get used to the parking lot that’s always on 1604; North Star Mall is right smack in the middle of the city; plus you can go to the theme parks we’re lucky enough to have.

If you don’t mind paying a little bit for parking, downtown has so much fun to explore. On top of that, you can ride in the horse carriages, trollies, or of course, plenty of Ubers.

Lucky Girl If you’re lucky like me, maybe you’ll even know someone who lives down there – in my case, my dad – and you’ll have some free parking options! You can do lots of inexpensive things to entertain yourself.

We’ve got family that lives in different parts of the country, and they all at least talk about making the trip here to see what all the fuss is about. Though we’re experiencing tremendous growth, it still feels like my little city.

7. UTSA
One of the big reasons a lot of the younger crowd’s making their move to the 210, is this amazing school. There’s so much opportunity to further your education here.

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I went here myself. Whether you’re school-age or not, you should go visit these grounds. There’s been so much built onto it even since I attended.

8. Rodeo

Our city’s identifying function, the rodeo, is fun for the whole family. I’d encourage you to find somewhere to volunteer, to get to meet some great people AND to buy yourself a free entry.


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It’s not for everyone, but definitely something you should go to at least once. I like the family day best! Who wouldn’t enjoy seeing all those cowboys, cowgirls and HORSES at the rodeo?! My youngest hasn’t been yet, but this will likely change by next year!

9. The San Antonio Spurs I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I didn’t mention the greatest NBA basketball team ever, our San Antonio Spurs. Young and old alike flock to the games and events that Los Spurs are in attendance at.

My family has been to some crazy intense games with the Spurs playing..our most memorable had to have been a playoff game that we went into triple overtime in – however, just to go to any live events where you can experience this whole community coming together in support of these fantastic guys, is a real treat. There’s not a whole lot better than hearing the entire family shout “GO SPURS GO!!!” over and over.

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10. The Housing Market
My job’s not complete here until I mention the beautiful neighborhoods to choose from for a new home, because you might not know, but besides being a mother, and a blogger, I’m also a Realtor. Have you thought about entering into being a resident of our stunning city? The timing couldn’t be any more perfect and you’re welcome to reach out to me!!

One of our fabulous builders model house

Thanks for always keeping it real, S.A.!

Do you live here in the 210? Ever visited? What are some of the things you enjoy most about San Antonio? Leave me your experiences in the comments! And if you enjoyed this post, subscribe for more!! 

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