Loves of My Life, The Times Your Mom Did Everything Wrong…

Summary…Maybe there’s another mama out there, who questions everything they’ve done; here’s a note to my beautiful children, about the ways I attempted being a good parent, so maybe you’ll identify.

To my loves,

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Occasionally when my brain doesn’t have the decency to let me get my rest in the evenings my thoughts go to the past. How did it go so fast? Those chubby cheeks aren’t that easy to remember these days. The bright shiny eyes you’d get don’t have the curiosity that they once did and your taking care of yourself physically, with the exception of the littlest one, has become your responsibility now.

There’s some times when I’ve gotten a lot of anxiety and sad, even – as all of these changes were taking place. I have a longing for all of my loves to be always together. There’s other times I’ve been thrilled to watch the way you’re maturing and as I see your adventures in the future that’s awaiting you.

I try to be content with the things that we’ve gotten to experience together and how we’ve learned from each other. How did I get so lucky?? To be with the best kids in the world, for every milestone in your lives.

Here’s My Concerns, Loves

My concerns are:
Did you see my joy enough in all the times we had together?
Was I able to successfully accomplish my goals to be a good provider for you?
Have you understood what love is, by how I was showing it to you?
Were you absolutely miserable with my mothering?

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My hopes of being a gracious mother, they’ve been unsuccessful at times.
I had hopes that I’d be a good, kind mom but my frustrations have won out a few times. Not always though.

Failure to do these things for you, seemed to be a repeating factor for me.




Occasionally I’d be upset, my loves even though I’d just be worried. I wish I’d been a little slower in reacting to things.
I occasionally have given too much “advice”, and also was a stickler about our routines because of how I process things. But I wish I’d have sat down, and just had a conversation with an open mind.
Occasionally I’ve had quick assumptions when I didn’t know what else I could do and I’d end up reading it all wrong.

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I was out of line occasionally, too. A real dummy!
But I can acknowledge it now. I don’t get things right all the time, and my heart breaks knowing that I couldn’t always really be a good mother in the way you were needing.

Here’s (Some of) What I Did All Wrong…

I’d usually be just running on fumes, and I’d get burnt out then not have too much left for me to be able to emotionally give you, after you got your mom at home with you finally. Loves, you need to know how terribly sick this has made me feel. It’s the reality of it, unfortunately.

I didn’t give all you were needing to have, because I was just trying to figure out how to handle all the anxiety I’d have. Anxiety from working long days and I’d come to be an actual mom to you, for a little while, but I could only do so much. Then I’d be anxious about going back to a stressful situation at work.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I had attempted to be a grown-up way too quickly at a very young age. I did that for a real long time, and you know something? Here I’ve been, doing this adult thing for a little while now, but it’s not at all the way they crack it up to be!

I’ve dealt with paralyzing fear that something might happen to me or even you! It was pretty overwhelming, too.


I wish I’d have just sat with you, and just been…Been lighthearted, been relaxed, and to have shown the true joy it was by simply being with you.

It’s a quality I’m trying to change about myself, for these years I have left with the younger two. Showing my emotions, it doesn’t come naturally for me. I’ve seen the same things from your reactions to things at times.

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Which Way?

Everything was up in the air with the way my life was going for a little while, and I had attempted at constantly trying to figure it out. In the end, I wound up losing out on the time I was given with the loves of my life, in my quest to find my path.

I had my own issues for a long time – heck, don’t we all? Hearing words like – anxiety, depression, borderline bipolar, eating disorders – bantered about. NONE having anything to do with you guys, though. You’ve been the greatest gifts of my life.

This Is The Thing…

I can replay every memory we ever made, and find something to feel guilty about in each of them. But I wouldn’t be doing the great parts justice, and I refuse to give those up!

My heart’s filled with such pride at who you’re becoming. SUCH PRIDE!!

You’re the best parts of me. My superheroes!

God went over and above, giving me all of you. There’s so much good inside you, and you’ve got such awesome and strong personalities! I love it.

You’re Team Is Now On the Clock

My favorite team to root for is you guys – and I’d rep your jerseys (and draft you on my fantasy league) any day.

Don’t ever stop playing this game of life. I know what you bring to the table. Let your mama know (albeit gently) when I’m falling short. Tell me what’s in your hearts; tell me what you feel you’re lacking. Let me remind you of your greatness.

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I’ll never be perfect, y’all, however I’m going to do my absolute best to keep our relationships strong. That’s more important to me than you know.

My Vision as Your Mother

My vision is, you’ll learn from my mistakes;
And my vision is, should you find yourselves searching for life’s answers, or you become frightened with the unknown – that you’ll remember not to miss out on the sure things in front of you.

During the quiet conversations I have with God, I frequently ask Him to give you wisdom to accept yourselves – mess-ups and all. God, how I wish I’d done this. I ask Him to help you have courage to face things head-on, and not fall victims to life circumstances. Just be in the present, forgive yourselves often, forgive others even more often – and never, ever give up!

You’re going to fail! Don’t worry about it too much, though.

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It’s a Gift

You’re mama was given a gift at messing up, and I’m still adding on some screw ups every now and then! Because, you know, to prove I’m good at it.

You’re gonna make ’em, me! It’ll still never change how you sparkle in my eyes. I got the pot of gold, when I was given the four of you – your my “why’s“.

The days go quickly, but every once in a while, you get a small glimpse of hope. Every once in a while, you decide to take a chance.

Then, you grab life by the balls and squeeze. Nothing else matters, nobody else’s opinion counts.

It’s then, when you catch that peek, your eyes begin opening! Right then, you see the people who matter, and really begin to understand them. That’s when you’ll feel some empowerment!

In awe.

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Current Situation

So today, as I’ve still got two of y’all learning how to spread your wings (psst, you never really stop learning), I need you to know how fantastic you all are. I’m constantly in awe by you, and I look up to you, my darling little inspirations.
You’re my inspirations, to be more than I could’ve ever imagined. And your parents? Well, we’re imperfect and always will be, but we’ve got each other. All of us. As long as we never let that go, we’re “gucci”!

Funny how things end up, isn’t it? I’ve taken multiple medications through the years, and none ever did squat for allowing me to focus. Different doctors, too. But not one of these things has given me clarity, like what I’ve gotten watching you. (God MAY have had a hand, also) Nothing compares to that.

I love you,


Have a Go at It

Do you understand what I go through as a mother? What’s been your experiences? Tell me about it below! And don’t forget to subscribe. Thank you for coming along on my journey! Xoxoxo

The 210: Why I Love My City 

I was born and raised right here in good ol’ “San Antone”, or you may hear the other natives like myself, refer to it as the 210. I left for small periods, as a young child, to live briefly in both Houston and Austin.

Growing Into It I’ve never disliked this city, but I definitely didn’t always see its beauty, as I do now. Could be, that I had the whole indifference thing every teenage girl has, too. But regardless, it’s grown on me more than ever over these last five years or so. By grown, I mean being a part of who I am, like I’m probably never going to leave. 

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True Love in the 210

Ok how can you really love “the 210” that intensely? These are some of the best things it has to offer:

1. Our Residents With All Our Traditions This place has traditions like no other, and the residents are committed to keeping these alive. It’s refreshing to see the children finding out the way that others live, like it’s second nature, by just having friends they hang out with, and seeing so for themselves through those relationships. It’s great to have educational field trips and all, but it’s also not necessary; all we have to do is travel about 30 minutes to the North, South, East or West sides of the 210.

2. Breakfast

No matter how many times I’ve had it, my mouth waters at the thought of getting breakfast tacos, even still. Now when my mouth says “breakfast”, my brain’s actually focused on BARBACOA..or carne guisada (with cheese), OH! and we can’t forget chorizo and egg!!

The kids always get their normal boring crap, but at least they’ll eat it anytime, anywhere. And at least they’re okay with getting them at pretty much any location, that way I can decide what it is that I’m in the mood for, then choose the place.

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Opinions Are Like… Now, other family members of ours, and friends, have their own two cents, as to who offers the most tasty eats on the menu, which is fine, because it just adds to my list of places that we have to go and try. And, there’s oh so many. 

3. Educational Outings
There’s a ridiculous amount of places to choose from, but you can’t really go wrong with any of them in the 210. Almost all are fairly priced, plus, during the summer there’s plenty of places that have offers for special days you can get in cheaper, or maybe even for nothing at all.

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The children seem really excited about Morgan’s Wonderland, and the San Antonio Aquarium, with all of the hands-on activities they can do. (Plus it’s always super adorable to watch them play AND learn at the same time!) The place most like the best, is the Alamo.

Remember the Alamo Centered right in Downtown S.A. at 300 Alamo Plaza, our “little” piece of history absolutely shapes this city. Be sure to check out the Educator Workshop – The Legends of Texas: From Mission to Shrine on Saturday, August 5 going on 9am-4pm and First Saturday at the Alamo on Saturday, September 2 going on from 9:30am-4:30pm. These may have participation fees and/or registration, so be sure to check out the website. 

Downtown S.A. at 300 Alamo Plaza

4. Fiesta

My birthday’s April 20, so I always got to go to Fiesta for a good day. In the “old days” it was so much fun to plan what days we were going to do what events.

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An example, driving all around town to pick up tons of folks, to head down for NIOSA (Night in Old San Antonio). The great thing is, you’ve got tons of things to choose from.

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5. Get Your Tan On We do tend to get annoyed with the heat, and stay in until the hottest part of the day passes. But, there’s really so much to enjoy outdoors in the 210.

We’ve got a ridiculous amount of parks and places to hike, or if you’ve got little ones, you’ve got the pick of the litter when it comes to playscapes. With my 2 youngest home for the summer, and them being at great ages to experience new things that they haven’t before, we’re discovering the new play area of Hemisfair Park, libraries around town, parades..the list is endless.

Eat, Drink and…Play? If we want to stop for a bite to eat, we don’t have to go to McDonald’s or ChicFilA to let the littlest play. Quite a few restaurants have sand areas, and more, for her to enjoy, while we get a yummy meal (and maybe a margarita for the grown folk).

6. We’re Family

Just to review, you shouldn’t be questioning at this point all the things this city has to do. Even better is, you kind of get used to the parking lot that’s always on 1604; North Star Mall is right smack in the middle of the city; plus you can go to the theme parks we’re lucky enough to have.

If you don’t mind paying a little bit for parking, downtown has so much fun to explore. On top of that, you can ride in the horse carriages, trollies, or of course, plenty of Ubers.

Lucky Girl If you’re lucky like me, maybe you’ll even know someone who lives down there – in my case, my dad – and you’ll have some free parking options! You can do lots of inexpensive things to entertain yourself.

We’ve got family that lives in different parts of the country, and they all at least talk about making the trip here to see what all the fuss is about. Though we’re experiencing tremendous growth, it still feels like my little city.

One of the big reasons a lot of the younger crowd’s making their move to the 210, is this amazing school. There’s so much opportunity to further your education here.

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I went here myself. Whether you’re school-age or not, you should go visit these grounds. There’s been so much built onto it even since I attended.

8. Rodeo

Our city’s identifying function, the rodeo, is fun for the whole family. I’d encourage you to find somewhere to volunteer, to get to meet some great people AND to buy yourself a free entry.

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It’s not for everyone, but definitely something you should go to at least once. I like the family day best! Who wouldn’t enjoy seeing all those cowboys, cowgirls and HORSES at the rodeo?! My youngest hasn’t been yet, but this will likely change by next year!

9. The San Antonio Spurs I wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if I didn’t mention the greatest NBA basketball team ever, our San Antonio Spurs. Young and old alike flock to the games and events that Los Spurs are in attendance at.

My family has been to some crazy intense games with the Spurs playing..our most memorable had to have been a playoff game that we went into triple overtime in – however, just to go to any live events where you can experience this whole community coming together in support of these fantastic guys, is a real treat. There’s not a whole lot better than hearing the entire family shout “GO SPURS GO!!!” over and over.

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10. The Housing Market
My job’s not complete here until I mention the beautiful neighborhoods to choose from for a new home, because you might not know, but besides being a mother, and a blogger, I’m also a Realtor. Have you thought about entering into being a resident of our stunning city? The timing couldn’t be any more perfect and you’re welcome to reach out to me!!

One of our fabulous builders model house

Thanks for always keeping it real, S.A.!

Do you live here in the 210? Ever visited? What are some of the things you enjoy most about San Antonio? Leave me your experiences in the comments! And if you enjoyed this post, subscribe for more!! 

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