Lately, summer has been hot and disgusting, as Texas sometimes gets. We haven’t been wanting to go anywhere outdoors – whether it’s the backyard, or taking the dogs on a walk. It’s crazy boring, when afternoon comes around, and I become that cranky mom. When Dad gets home, he attempts to give me a break. He offers to take our daughter for a walk, or across the highway from us, to the playground/basketball court. It helps me remember why I love him!
They haven’t been able to do a lot of that, in regards to my son getting to go play basketball, because it seems as if the surrounding areas where he usually plays, all have some kind of issue with the hoop, or the court itself. My daughter’s thrilled to be out of the house and to do anything for whatever length of time by this point in the day, which is usually close to the sun starting to go down, so that gives them a tad more opportunity to enjoy themself without ending up panting from the humidity.
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My brother and his family are staying with us, until they’re in their new home. It’s the first time we’ve lived so close, since becoming adults. I can only imagine their first impression.
My youngest daughter has a major meltdown, occasionally. It’s pretty embarrassing, sometimes! Her behavior gets bossy and it’s standard for the rest of us.
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Hopefully they’re not going to judge me, but I don’t know if that’s true when I can hear them practically counting the minutes to make it out of our driveway. Ha. Pretty sure most people would be doing that.
The Old College Try
We’ve fought the weather in our attempts to go to events around town, on the weekends. It doesn’t matter who’s present, in this steam room we call “our city”, our child will inevitably lose it!
That’s our girl, hurling herself at our legs. But you know what, I feel her tantrum, I respect it even.
I end up feeling guilty about thinking it would be a good idea for them to get out. Going to McDonalds gets tiring after a while!
Our alternative is to dress in the most weather appropriate attire, and hope for the best. We’re usually pretty excited to get out.
It’s a nice change to do something together, besides our regular activities inside, which is typically our default. We’d still have to deal with a meltdown at some point, anyway. It’s easy to just wrap things up if we start seeing the signs, right? No big deal! However, in these moments – of our hitting 100-degrees easy in the summer, after grasping at straws trying to make the weekend enjoyable for us all, that’s when it causes my ego to feel a bit bruised. Then the self-criticism kicks in, while I’m looking around at all the others, to observe if they’re having any success, while questioning my own ability to ever give my kids some memories to remember when we’re all relaxed and smiling.
Remember This Moment
Here’s the current situation: Twenty-eight days into the summer, and attempting to juggle being a mother and Realtor. A trillion days into ornery, bored babies; a kajillion days into being the expert multi-tasker that I am. Like always, my list of things to do each day starts by getting the little one out and about, in the cooler part of the day.
After that, it’s not unusual for my daughter to bring up how she’s missing her friends from school, or her teacher (one of the subjects that breaks my heart to talk about). Then she starts anticipating the new year to begin in August, the same month of her birthday…
My hope is, she’ll have another sweet person to spend her days at school with. Let me correct myself – my plea is, her first grade teacher will be yet another gentle soul. The Kindergarten teacher we got was an answer to our prayers!
Here we are, in the dead of summer, stuck inside and my son would love for the school year to quite frankly never return (all of a sudden, those dreaded days are here for HIM). My little girl just wants to jump back into routine. But for me, my spirit’s kinda numb, and I’m not 100% sure WHY.
There’s nothing I can think of really CAUSING it. But I assure you, there must be something I’m unaware of.
When my thoughts try interjecting with my heart to cease feeling so much, my question is “why not just let everything that will be..be?” Should I be working myself up over all these concerns? My negativity about my being this kind of person – an emotional, silly woman – now takes over. How come I just CAN’T seem get it together?? is what runs through my mind.
Obviously, there’s way more to it than whether I’m a good mother. If someone’s not coping well with things, and they’re emotional because life’s going by quickly, the tiniest thing starts pushing them to the edge.
Right then, the lightbulb went off. I was encouraging myself to go to McDonald’s for a new Rollo McFlurry, so I could inhale it while figuring out when my buyers were going to close on their new home. And then, what new marketing I could put out for my sellers, and…Wham! A verse came to me, echoing ‘But you who follows the truth, have come into the light. Then it shows you do it all through God’ (John 3:21). Well that did it, yep..easy peasy.
I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, however my heart, all of a sudden, felt very full. Partly because of the Rollo McFlurry.
But more so about remembering who it is that I am – while curling up on the couch, eating the ice cream for whatever quiet time I was being given; overlooking the messy floor, the piles of clothes needing to be put away, I was being provided what it was that I yearned for the most, a mental shutdown. By this, it halted that process of giving myself another guilt-trip.
Ladies, this is the deal: Sometimes, people will treat us like caca. Our children will piss and moan about every little thing, and others will judge us. There’s no one who we can think of to listen to our own bitching and moaning, and we become fairly certain we’re the biggest reject to ever walk the earth. We’re going to set some pretty unrealistic goals sometimes, and we’ll actually try to accomplish them! Rearrange the entire house, be a better wife, get fit in 30 Days (remember, it’s already day 28) during summer.
We won’t want to get out of bed sometimes! We’ll be bitchy, lose our shit, cry, isolate and be depressed – yes, they’ll all be done together – in one day, sometimes. And occasionally we’ll come really close to the edge, without understanding why.
Remember, though, God’s got our back.
How hard it is to remember this little nugget of truth sometimes, though. However, our ice cream, the get fit in less than a week fantasy, that extra-large margarita, massage, texting someone who loves us and is willing to listen, curling up for a soap opera marathon, WHATEVER it is that brings us peace – it’s what’s going to change our course. It’s dire for us to remember and take care of ourselves once in awhile, whether it’s just for 10 minutes, or for two glorious hours. We must pay attention to the verses that jump into our heads, that helps us to remember to breathe, to be at peace.
Ain’t Life Grand?
Then, when we have those times where we’re at our best, and we can’t imagine living a better life than the one we’ve been given..it’s dire that we then be that source of peace for someone else. By providing a smile towards someone who appears to be stressed out, or providing some words of wisdom to that mother we see, who’s at her wit’s end – I mean, what better way to show another person the light.
Remember, we’ve been shown the way. We must also remember to show it to those who are still in the dark. Just remember to also get an extra McFlurry.
But you who follows the true way have come to the light. Then the light will show that whatever you’ve done was done through God. John 3:21