Hey Moms, Remember…

Lately, summer has been hot and disgusting, as Texas sometimes gets. We haven’t been wanting to go anywhere outdoors – whether it’s the backyard, or taking the dogs on a walk. It’s crazy boring, when afternoon comes around, and I become that cranky mom. When Dad gets home, he attempts to give me a break. He offers to take our daughter for a walk, or across the highway from us, to the playground/basketball court. It helps me remember why I love him!

They haven’t been able to do a lot of that, in regards to my son getting to go play basketball, because it seems as if the surrounding areas where he usually plays, all have some kind of issue with the hoop, or the court itself. My daughter’s thrilled to be out of the house and to do anything for whatever length of time by this point in the day, which is usually close to the sun starting to go down, so that gives them a tad more opportunity to enjoy themself without ending up panting from the humidity.

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My brother and his family are staying with us, until they’re in their new home. It’s the first time we’ve lived so close, since becoming adults. I can only imagine their first impression.

Falling Apart

My youngest daughter has a major meltdown, occasionally. It’s pretty embarrassing, sometimes! Her behavior gets bossy and it’s standard for the rest of us.


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Hopefully they’re not going to judge me, but I don’t know if that’s true when I can hear them practically counting the minutes to make it out of our driveway. Ha. Pretty sure most people would be doing that.

The Old College Try

We’ve fought the weather in our attempts to go to events around town, on the weekends. It doesn’t matter who’s present, in this steam room we call “our city”, our child will inevitably lose it!


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That’s our girl, hurling herself at our legs. But you know what, I feel her tantrum, I respect it even.

I end up feeling guilty about thinking it would be a good idea for them to get out. Going to McDonalds gets tiring after a while!

Choices

Our alternative is to dress in the most weather appropriate attire, and hope for the best. We’re usually pretty excited to get out.

It’s a nice change to do something together, besides our regular activities inside, which is typically our default. We’d still have to deal with a meltdown at some point, anyway. It’s easy to just wrap things up if we start seeing the signs, right? No big deal! However, in these moments – of our hitting 100-degrees easy in the summer, after grasping at straws trying to make the weekend enjoyable for us all, that’s when it causes my ego to feel a bit bruised. Then the self-criticism kicks in, while I’m looking around at all the others, to observe if they’re having any success, while questioning my own ability to ever give my kids some memories to remember when we’re all relaxed and smiling.

Remember This Moment

Here’s the current situation: Twenty-eight days into the summer, and attempting to juggle being a mother and Realtor. A trillion days into ornery, bored babies; a kajillion days into being the expert multi-tasker that I am. Like always, my list of things to do each day starts by getting the little one out and about, in the cooler part of the day.

After that, it’s not unusual for my daughter to bring up how she’s missing her friends from school, or her teacher (one of the subjects that breaks my heart to talk about). Then she starts anticipating the new year to begin in August, the same month of her birthday…

My hope is, she’ll have another sweet person to spend her days at school with. Let me correct myself – my plea is, her first grade teacher will be yet another gentle soul. The Kindergarten teacher we got was an answer to our prayers!

Here we are, in the dead of summer, stuck inside and my son would love for the school year to quite frankly never return (all of a sudden, those dreaded days are here for HIM). My little girl just wants to jump back into routine. But for me, my spirit’s kinda numb, and I’m not 100% sure WHY.

Buried Within

There’s nothing I can think of really CAUSING it. But I assure you, there must be something I’m unaware of.

When my thoughts try interjecting with my heart to cease feeling so much, my question is “why not just let everything that will be..be?” Should I be working myself up over all these concerns? My negativity about my being this kind of person – an emotional, silly woman – now takes over. How come I just CAN’T seem get it together?? is what runs through my mind.


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Obviously, there’s way more to it than whether I’m a good mother. If someone’s not coping well with things, and they’re emotional because life’s going by quickly, the tiniest thing starts pushing them to the edge.

Ding, Dong

Right then, the lightbulb went off. I was encouraging myself to go to McDonald’s for a new Rollo McFlurry, so I could inhale it while figuring out when my buyers were going to close on their new home. And then, what new marketing I could put out for my sellers, and…Wham! A verse came to me, echoing ‘But you who follows the truth, have come into the light. Then it shows you do it all through God’ (John 3:21). Well that did it, yep..easy peasy.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, however my heart, all of a sudden, felt very full. Partly because of the Rollo McFlurry.

But more so about remembering who it is that I am – while curling up on the couch, eating the ice cream for whatever quiet time I was being given; overlooking the messy floor, the piles of clothes needing to be put away, I was being provided what it was that I yearned for the most, a mental shutdown. By this, it halted that process of giving myself another guilt-trip.

To Summarize

Ladies, this is the deal: Sometimes, people will treat us like caca. Our children will piss and moan about every little thing, and others will judge us. There’s no one who we can think of to listen to our own bitching and moaning, and we become fairly certain we’re the biggest reject to ever walk the earth. We’re going to set some pretty unrealistic goals sometimes, and we’ll actually try to accomplish them! Rearrange the entire house, be a better wife, get fit in 30 Days (remember, it’s already day 28) during summer.

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We won’t want to get out of bed sometimes! We’ll be bitchy, lose our shit, cry, isolate and be depressed – yes, they’ll all be done together – in one day, sometimes. And occasionally we’ll come really close to the edge, without understanding why.

Remember, though, God’s got our back.

How hard it is to remember this little nugget of truth sometimes, though. However, our ice cream, the get fit in less than a week fantasy, that extra-large margarita, massage, texting someone who loves us and is willing to listen, curling up for a soap opera marathon, WHATEVER it is that brings us peace – it’s what’s going to change our course. It’s dire for us to remember and take care of ourselves once in awhile, whether it’s just for 10 minutes, or for two glorious hours. We must pay attention to the verses that jump into our heads, that helps us to remember to breathe, to be at peace.

Ain’t Life Grand?

Then, when we have those times where we’re at our best, and we can’t imagine living a better life than the one we’ve been given..it’s dire that we then be that source of peace for someone else. By providing a smile towards someone who appears to be stressed out, or providing some words of wisdom to that mother we see, who’s at her wit’s end – I mean, what better way to show another person the light.

Remember, we’ve been shown the way. We must also remember to show it to those who are still in the dark. Just remember to also get an extra McFlurry.

But you who follows the true way have come to the light. Then the light will show that whatever you’ve done was done through God. John 3:21

Is It Because I Love Eminem?

“I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There’s no in between. People will either love you for it or hate you for it.” Eminem

The day we found out that we were expecting (AGAIN!!) was a shock. I thought our son, who was almost 9 years old, was the last baby to develop in this womb!

It doesn’t matter that they’re years apart in age. This doesn’t stop them from being at each other’s throats, the minute they come into contact with each other. Which makes the fact, that every time we’re in public, and people – particularly, strangers – comment on their sweetness, mind-boggling!

In Love, But Not With Eminem

I find myself gazing at them, my daughter – only 5 years old and in Kindergarten; then, my son, who’s 15 and a freshman. When I look at them, I’m passionate about these people who are seeing their sweetness, being senile.

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“Thanks, they are”, is usually my words that get murmured back. After all, I’m certain there’s not an appropriate way to discuss, that my 5-year-old can typically resemble the likes of The Incredible Hulk at times. But, all kidding aside…

A Perfect Gentleman

There’s not any denying that my handsome Isaac (minus the immature battles with his sister, of course) has the absolute sweetest demeanor. Our son was certainly handled with kid-gloves for many years, plus he’d lived around primarily women for his whole existence!

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Those adorable, puffy (almost red) lips, surrounded with a strong, masculine jaw line, like his dad’s, wouldn’t help to convince anyone that he was anything but a prince anyway. When people say this kid’s sweet – well, I absolutely get it!

You Know What They Say About Assumptions

Some might automatically assume, since he’s not loud and abrasive but actually affectionate with good manners, that maybe his “genetic makeup” was made a certain way. Seems like that’s where people are really quick to jump these days.

With all this being said, I feel inclined to mention that I’ve established a “rule” of sorts, when this son of mine with all of his sweetheart features that he’s so often commended for, is getting these qualities acknowledged. The rule is: as his beloved mother (ahem), I must always refrain from appearing bewildered when people assume that he’s an angel, and it’s just moments after we get out of the car that he’s been antagonizing his younger sister in.

I Love Being His Mom

As his beloved mother (ok, I won’t call myself that again, I promise…), I mustn’t go to interject, unless there’s an adequate reason to. Like, if said person that’s making the statement is at a high school football game that he happens to be playing defense in. Obviously, then I’ll have to correct them.

Quickly followed by how he’s about to shove a football down their son’s throat. Not my finest moment…(Even if the students who were in the stands found their day was just a little bit brighter afterwards, according to one of our older daughters anyway.)

It’s been by my choice to protect and coddle my “baby” boy for all these years. Resulting in him being a sensitive, somewhat of a mama’s boy.

Obviously

So of course, it’s just more likely, for others to approach this with disbelief of him actually being the sweetest person ever. I might as well brace myself for the compliments; leaving the “he keeps touching my head!” memories for those few who get to experience it, at home.

Another thing I find funny about this, is that you’d think that by walking next to my husband, and the two of them constantly trying to one-up each other and wrestle one another down to the ground, that it’d be a difference maker in the “he’s so sweet” comments; it doesn’t. I guess when the boy’s got some adorable lips, folks just want to default to him being a saint.

In Reality

Now obviously, I get that people are just paying a sweet compliment and don’t really assume that he’s perfect, but when I’m feeling somewhat defensive because of recently lecturing him, my ears hear something completely different. Like: “How could ANY mother get upset with him! There must be something wrong with her!”

I’ve certainly considered the “bad” things that come with letting our boy’s natural personality develop. Being that this includes being softer spoken and a gentle heart, one might ask why I wouldn’t teach him to have more of a thick skin.

And I’m sure some of you have watched moms like myself – the ones that put their little guys up on a pedestal, wiping away their every tear, as their growing into the school-age – and probably thought that we’re setting our sons up for some real hard times in life. It isn’t (any longer) in my nature to be the type of woman who judges other moms on their different techniques. However, for those who feel that’s beneficial somehow, let me go ahead and sketch a more clear picture of how my line of thinking pushed this mom to let our boy’s personality form him to become the special guy he is:

*This was and is my only son.

My little man always had this awesome, loving outlook on life since he was young; he also remained somewhat reserved, often watching all of us for how we’d react or feel about different things. I don’t deny that I was still just immature enough to believe this good-natured kid was because of any of my doing.

OK, well, maybe it was just a bit…

My son was the polar opposite to my oldest girl’s personality, who was outgoing and peppy from birth. And though my second daughter also had a very curious interest in people, the influence of her older sister turned her just as outgoing and peppy (with a bit more sass) at an early age. Then you’ve got me: coming off very direct and seemingly sure of what I wanted.

So even though the world teaches us, and even more so at this time, that we should raise our little girls as feminine and proper, and our little boys to be protectors, or “manly”, my own motherly instincts suggested that I just embrace his sweet innocence.

Crazy 8 Sale On Now!

*He was the first child who was a BOY that I could stand being around in my “adult” years.

In my opinion, kids were awful and loud; little dirty heathens, and specifically the little guys, who were certainly not what I’d refer to as pleasant to be around. These kids, from my perspective then, were all behaved in what I liked to call “Take Me Straight to Hell”. I wasn’t that girl that was anxiously waiting for kids one day, if you can’t tell, but I loved each of my babies and of course, they were the exceptions.

*He’ll eventually change.

And that scares me. I’m scared of this f***ed up world influencing him to be anything other than the way that God created him so uniquely to be; as well, that he won’t appreciate what an amazing person he already is (I’ve mentioned that he’s amazing, right?).

To add to that, my crazy will go into overdrive, if anyone attempts to destroy this boy’s spirit.

All of this could sum up the reasons for me embracing all of him, as he is and will be. The reasons for him having any bad behavioral habits, should only come from me and his dad; that way we can make excuses for us teaching him the wrong things, then keep going forward.

But should anyone else play a major part in it, my line of thoughts might escape reality..and cause me to start reading up on the best ways to deal large amounts of pain to someone’s kneecaps. AND..this is what we’re dealing with.

*I had a love affair with Eminem..In my mind, of course.

Eminem does whatever the hell Eminem wants, with a middle finger raised to anyone who tries to tell him otherwise. BUT, Eminem also has a line that he walks, when it comes to his daughter.

My heart belonged to Eminem at one time, so naturally, my pulse quickened when I found out there was an attainable man that exuded very similar qualities: rebelling against popular opinions; would lay down his life before letting anyone hurt those he loved. This was clearly a sealed deal for me.

My own personal version of Eminem in the flesh! Ok, not really, but you get the point.

A Perfect Gentleman

I believe that others put negative connotations on men who aren’t afraid to show their softer side; however, I think it screams “confidence” out pretty loudly, when a young man’s a natural gentleman..and if he can handle a football on top of that?? (OR if he’s Eminem.) You’re welcome, future daughter-in-law.

PS. C’mon, do I really think the infatuation I had (SEE, honey? Had!) for Eminem really played some part in my being welcoming to our boy continuing to develop his natural God-given qualities? I suppose that’s a bit of a stretch…

Did I really have an internal love affair with Eminem? My lips are sealed. Besides, a woman should never kiss and tell..imaginary or otherwise!

*My boy, with his sweet personality, is better than your boy, who needs more class.

My feeling is, that a few people who think that young men should be brought up differently than the way we’ve gone about things, will identify similarly to the parents who are standing by the wayside, watching Sweet Little Johnny..with his sailor mouth running, at teachers and students alike, showing a non-existent level of class and grace. Moms like myself despise behaviors such as these.

Not cute in the slightest. Pretty damn pathetic, actually.

So. There ya go! You may now go ahead with kicking me out of the Booster Club.

Completely on a serious note though, here’s my last thoughts on it:

I’ve got this sweet boy, who God blessed me with. At the age of around 5 years old, he nearly drowned, giving me and my husband one of the biggest scares of our life (i.e. guilt-tripping ourselves beyond belief). When I think of being here now without him, I could start sobbing hysterically and quite possibly never stop.

Mothers understand their children’s hearts, we just do; but we always wonder if people will ever see the same magnificent beings that we do. In retrospect, had that awful night not occurred, maybe I’d not have dropped everything to help him with each tiny task, or cuddle quite as much, for quite as long.

Instead, I might have gone along with the rest of the herd, and said “Boys don’t do (whatever)” or many other very unfortunate statements. Thinking about it further, it didn’t end up making him more sensitive, because that’s just who he is! What it did, was take away a bit of my rough edges, and made me more sensitive, to my son’s personality.

I Get It

Yes, I know that some of you are shaking your heads all over the place at me. You’re thinking I’m a coddling mom, but I don’t want you to misunderstand.

I’m not an overbearing mother! Far from it. I give my kids the opportunity to go do things that make me cringe on the inside.

My mother raised my brother and I on her own for a great part of our upbringing. And she’s the first to admit that she’d try to protect us from the smallest of things, until our stepfather came along, suggesting that she loosen up the reigns a little.

Eminem

Because I Said So

And I know many moms now, that believe saying “no” frequently is the best way to teach their kids to stay away from potentially harmful things! I’m somewhere in the middle, I suppose.

There’s so much more to come after adolescence, so WHEN I screw up, he’s going to have many other chances, to later do bigger screw-ups than mine! Which will end up making the ones that I do, almost cancel out!

Look at me, a completely regular citizen, despite not being able to walk with my friends down to the corner store at the bottom of the hill. Completely regular, y’all! Some of the time. Xoxoxo