Hi there, Mama…

This is for the mama that cherishes mothering..and also longs for the day to not be tied down.

This is for the mama who’s out there, and she’s cherishing the mothering..yet, she also longs for days she won’t be tied down. You might know her? 🎭She’s fantastic, and she has a lot on her plate, too. She’s the greatest, and she’s spreading herself thin. She feels like there’s not a shoulder to lean on, despite how she always lends hers.

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Things Will Be Fine, Mama. Things Will Be Just Fine.

My minds been sitting with this, for a little while, about how mothering can be such a fine line between loving, and barely liking the part. There’s times when the little ones just won’t go to bed, until we have to lay down the law for them, of course! But no matter how late they get down, they still gotta get up bright and early. And you? You’re just wondering if you can do this another day! Yeah, yeah, and you get it – the whole “embrace the time we get” rigmarole. I mean, hot damn, though!! You sure could use a week to yourself. (Does Starbucks have vacation packages?? I’m willing to beg!)

Then, there’s times they turn in early (7:45 p.m. is lovely!), and you get to enjoy a glass of wine in peace. You can also text the one hundred and forty people you can’t seem to ever respond to; you can get your workout on, etc. Man, maybe you’ll even stay up all night, just to enjoy the feelings of rejuvenation! You find yourself thinking, “Damn I’m a pretty badass mama!”, while finishing that third (fourth?) glass of wine. Because, after all, the opportunity has presented itself – so by God, you’re going to take it! 🍷🍷🍷(🍷..)

Everything’s all over the place, a roller-coaster.

Everything has a way of making you feel bad, but then, you turn around and feel like a champ! It changes minute by minute. Everything’s exhausting you to death! Yet you always manage to gather the motivation to accomplish what’s needing to get done. You even manage to smile while doing it!

The fact is, there’s absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, for those moments you miss the glorious trips to the bathroom, all by your lonesome. In peace. I don’t remember those days very well! You see, my new normal is leaving the door open, in case she needs something. But it’s still a few minutes of stressing – “Is she opening the door to strangers? Oh my God, she’s being taken! And it was all due to me! Daydreaming a few minutes too long!” Ugh.

There’s also nothing wrong with seeing the fire truck when out driving and yelling “FIRE TRUCK!” (even if only in your mind), while she’s at school, visiting family, or somewhere besides in the car. Loony!

But, it’s not likely you’d be able to stop yourself, anyway. At least, not as long as the kid loves them dang emergency vehicles! So, it’s ok, mama.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, for wishing you could spend the whole day in bed, and still jump at the sound of a small cough.

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There’s nothing to feel guilty about on the times you insist on being stronger, either. And then you cave, yet again, to the lesser consequence for an action, simply because – another meltdown’s just way more than you can take!

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, for wishing you’d have the desire to beautify yourself more, but instead, reach for the sweatshirt..again!

However, it’s so not cool to talk down to yourself because you aren’t fitting into those size 6 jeans yet (even though you’d swear they should be going on comfortably by now).

There’s nothing to feel guilty about for picking up Starbucks almost everyday the last two weeks, rather than making a pot of coffee to drink by yourself – again. 🎟

Also, there’s nothing to feel guilty about when you pour bowls of cereal for the family’s supper, since there’s literally no motivation running through your body. At this point, you’re just kicking into survival mode till they’re asleep. Then you’ll be done for the day, so you can flip on the soaps and veg out in silence.

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There’s nothing to feel guilty about, because you’re unsure if you can handle another piercing shriek in your ear. You’re also well aware (still) of how fast this age will go by.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about as you look around before bed, survey the damages in the living room, and decide to put off the housework, for just one more night. Because, we all know, 6 a.m. comes super quickly!

Continued Guilt

There’s also nothing to feel guilty about in taking opportunities for getting the house cleaner: the kitchen, and floors, etc. When this is your focus, the rest of the crew can handle their own meals or get something easy to put together. ✅Besides, you’re always in a little better mood after some housework has been accomplished. (Just a teensy bit!)

There’s nothing to feel guilty about when you need to get away from them all for an hour, but two seconds after you leave, you’re starting to mentally plan a trip to Disney World! Imagining them having the times of their life, while thinking, “Sigh. I don’t want them to grow up!!”


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There’s nothing to feel guilty about when you have that anxiety attack as someone’s offering that break. You’re just not sure how you’d feel about the kids wondering where their mama’s at, at bedtime. However, when they’re getting out of bed for the thousandth time, you can’t believe you were such an idiot, to not take some freedom when you had the chance. 🙅🏼

And More…

There’s nothing to feel guilty about for accepting who you’ve become, mama! This includes relying on your husband, more than your old #bosslady self ever would’ve.

All of a sudden, you’re back imagining that life of freedom again. Oh, the freedom you’d have! Things wouldn’t revolve around pretend play all the time. Yassss! (My thing’s this – why do I even have to do this?! To put it simply, the answer’s – cuz ya do.)

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, for imagining Jesus’s return frequently. Him taking you, so you can just be .

Be in His presence, and that’s it. Not always questioning your role..knowing you’ll have to change hats again at any given moment.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, for needing a break from chasing your visions, and what you’re aspiring to accomplish for fulfilling your purpose – outside of being a mama, of course. But when you’re back reaching for that purpose – and you’ll be back – you’re well aware of how this precious family of yours has been the driving force to keep you reaching higher.

There’s nothing to feel guilty about, in just wanting to snuggle with your babies..instead of talking in those damn pretend voices for imagination time. In that moment, when your first grader wraps her arms around you to tell you “mommy, you’re the best”, all the guilt fades, right into love. Don’t you see? We don’t have to feel guilty. In those few seconds, when we’re enveloping their embrace, it can serve as our reminder, to simply just feel the love. 💫

👋Hey there, pretty lady–Looking to get some additional motivation for the rest of your journey, to keep on “mothering” like a boss? Subscribe to Seasons of Mothering, and have every new post sent to you, inspiring y’all to mom-so-hard just like you’re doing. We can do it, girls!👋

Loves of My Life, The Times Your Mom Did Everything Wrong…

Summary…Maybe there’s another mama out there, who questions everything they’ve done; here’s a note to my beautiful children, about the ways I attempted being a good parent, so maybe you’ll identify.

To my loves,


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Occasionally when my brain doesn’t have the decency to let me get my rest in the evenings my thoughts go to the past. How did it go so fast? Those chubby cheeks aren’t that easy to remember these days. The bright shiny eyes you’d get don’t have the curiosity that they once did and your taking care of yourself physically, with the exception of the littlest one, has become your responsibility now.

There’s some times when I’ve gotten a lot of anxiety and sad, even – as all of these changes were taking place. I have a longing for all of my loves to be always together. There’s other times I’ve been thrilled to watch the way you’re maturing and as I see your adventures in the future that’s awaiting you.

I try to be content with the things that we’ve gotten to experience together and how we’ve learned from each other. How did I get so lucky?? To be with the best kids in the world, for every milestone in your lives.

Here’s My Concerns, Loves

My concerns are:
Did you see my joy enough in all the times we had together?
Was I able to successfully accomplish my goals to be a good provider for you?
Have you understood what love is, by how I was showing it to you?
Were you absolutely miserable with my mothering?


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My hopes of being a gracious mother, they’ve been unsuccessful at times.
I had hopes that I’d be a good, kind mom but my frustrations have won out a few times. Not always though.

Failure to do these things for you, seemed to be a repeating factor for me.

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Occasionally…

Occasionally I’d be upset, my loves even though I’d just be worried. I wish I’d been a little slower in reacting to things.
I occasionally have given too much “advice”, and also was a stickler about our routines because of how I process things. But I wish I’d have sat down, and just had a conversation with an open mind.
Occasionally I’ve had quick assumptions when I didn’t know what else I could do and I’d end up reading it all wrong.


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I was out of line occasionally, too. A real dummy!
But I can acknowledge it now. I don’t get things right all the time, and my heart breaks knowing that I couldn’t always really be a good mother in the way you were needing.

Here’s (Some of) What I Did All Wrong…

I’d usually be just running on fumes, and I’d get burnt out then not have too much left for me to be able to emotionally give you, after you got your mom at home with you finally. Loves, you need to know how terribly sick this has made me feel. It’s the reality of it, unfortunately.

I didn’t give all you were needing to have, because I was just trying to figure out how to handle all the anxiety I’d have. Anxiety from working long days and I’d come to be an actual mom to you, for a little while, but I could only do so much. Then I’d be anxious about going back to a stressful situation at work.

If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I had attempted to be a grown-up way too quickly at a very young age. I did that for a real long time, and you know something? Here I’ve been, doing this adult thing for a little while now, but it’s not at all the way they crack it up to be!

I’ve dealt with paralyzing fear that something might happen to me or even you! It was pretty overwhelming, too.

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I wish I’d have just sat with you, and just been…Been lighthearted, been relaxed, and to have shown the true joy it was by simply being with you.

It’s a quality I’m trying to change about myself, for these years I have left with the younger two. Showing my emotions, it doesn’t come naturally for me. I’ve seen the same things from your reactions to things at times.

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Which Way?

Everything was up in the air with the way my life was going for a little while, and I had attempted at constantly trying to figure it out. In the end, I wound up losing out on the time I was given with the loves of my life, in my quest to find my path.

I had my own issues for a long time – heck, don’t we all? Hearing words like – anxiety, depression, borderline bipolar, eating disorders – bantered about. NONE having anything to do with you guys, though. You’ve been the greatest gifts of my life.

This Is The Thing…

I can replay every memory we ever made, and find something to feel guilty about in each of them. But I wouldn’t be doing the great parts justice, and I refuse to give those up!

My heart’s filled with such pride at who you’re becoming. SUCH PRIDE!!

You’re the best parts of me. My superheroes!

God went over and above, giving me all of you. There’s so much good inside you, and you’ve got such awesome and strong personalities! I love it.

You’re Team Is Now On the Clock

My favorite team to root for is you guys – and I’d rep your jerseys (and draft you on my fantasy league) any day.

Don’t ever stop playing this game of life. I know what you bring to the table. Let your mama know (albeit gently) when I’m falling short. Tell me what’s in your hearts; tell me what you feel you’re lacking. Let me remind you of your greatness.

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I’ll never be perfect, y’all, however I’m going to do my absolute best to keep our relationships strong. That’s more important to me than you know.

My Vision as Your Mother

My vision is, you’ll learn from my mistakes;
And my vision is, should you find yourselves searching for life’s answers, or you become frightened with the unknown – that you’ll remember not to miss out on the sure things in front of you.

During the quiet conversations I have with God, I frequently ask Him to give you wisdom to accept yourselves – mess-ups and all. God, how I wish I’d done this. I ask Him to help you have courage to face things head-on, and not fall victims to life circumstances. Just be in the present, forgive yourselves often, forgive others even more often – and never, ever give up!

You’re going to fail! Don’t worry about it too much, though.

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It’s a Gift

You’re mama was given a gift at messing up, and I’m still adding on some screw ups every now and then! Because, you know, to prove I’m good at it.

You’re gonna make ’em, too..trust me! It’ll still never change how you sparkle in my eyes. I got the pot of gold, when I was given the four of you – your my “why’s“.

The days go quickly, but every once in a while, you get a small glimpse of hope. Every once in a while, you decide to take a chance.

Then, you grab life by the balls and squeeze. Nothing else matters, nobody else’s opinion counts.

It’s then, when you catch that peek, your eyes begin opening! Right then, you see the people who matter, and really begin to understand them. That’s when you’ll feel some empowerment!

In awe.

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Current Situation

So today, as I’ve still got two of y’all learning how to spread your wings (psst, you never really stop learning), I need you to know how fantastic you all are. I’m constantly in awe by you, and I look up to you, my darling little inspirations.
You’re my inspirations, to be more than I could’ve ever imagined. And your parents? Well, we’re imperfect and always will be, but we’ve got each other. All of us. As long as we never let that go, we’re “gucci”!

Funny how things end up, isn’t it? I’ve taken multiple medications through the years, and none ever did squat for allowing me to focus. Different doctors, too. But not one of these things has given me clarity, like what I’ve gotten watching you. (God MAY have had a hand, also) Nothing compares to that.

I love you,

Mom

Have a Go at It

Do you understand what I go through as a mother? What’s been your experiences? Tell me about it below! And don’t forget to subscribe. Thank you for coming along on my journey! Xoxoxo