Forgiving..Again and Again

Forgiving others is not just a one time thing. We have to forgive again and again,  to let our past go. It’s a daily requirement – specifically with the people who I’m closest to. Let’s take my husband, for instance. I can choose not to forgive him for something, which means I’m also choosing to hold onto a grudge.

Marriage allows the art of forgiveness to be practiced enough to perfect it! Maybe that’s just mine? Ha! No, but wow. I never thought I’d get so familiar with the need to forgive someone!

If I choose to hold onto a grudge, the next thing I know is I’ll also be harboring bitterness. The more bitter I become, the more hard-hearted I’ll be to my husband. Then I’ll start to get increasingly more negative and sarcastic. For some, that’s what leads to the love between two people to start becoming virtually non-existent.

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Forgiving One Another

One of the most necessary things to practice in marriage, is never going to bed angry..ever. Yes, that means even if he refuses to budge on apologizing for the things that he might’ve done wrong. I can still forgive him, even without this. I’m still working on this one! It doesn’t come naturally, that’s for sure.

Not going to bed angry is a detrimental to practice, and will help me to remain emotionally healthy. Here’s a couple of quotes that I like a lot, in regards to forgiveness:

  • “Forgiving doesn’t make the other person right – it just makes me free.”
  • “Not offering forgiveness damages the vessel that stores it, worse than anyone you can spit it on.”

There should be no one that I hold back forgiveness from in my life. I certainly shouldn’t be holding onto any grudges against my husband. I also understand this is MUCH easier said than done!

By forgiving others, I’m doing myself a favor too. It’s then that I’m free to truly live!

““If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A Given: We Will Get Hurt 

Whether it’s accidental or purposely, if someone has hurt me I’ve got a choice to make…

I have a lot of pride, when it comes to the confession of feeling hurt. When someone does end up hurting me, whether it’s unintentional or vengeful, I’ll have a decision to make:

I can forgive them for being hurtful, and try to move on in the relationship. Each day of working towards a peaceful existence throughout my life, is a benefit to me. So, this is the best choice. Because let’s face it, when I’m not willing to forgive, it affects me – probably, as much as the initial act.

Choosing in the Hurt

I have an alternative to choose, by finding everything offensive.  It ultimately means, I accept distancing myself to the person that hurt me. This is the first choice most people usually lean towards. Our instinctive reaction is to go off the way we feel that moment. Choosing this one also leads straight to isolation, if we’re not careful.

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I can’t be defensive about everything, or I could end up alone, because no one’s perfect. It’s nice having someone to talk to, even if I AM damn good company for myself (just sayin’).

But, Either Way…

I DON’T want to whine and complain to my husband (or anyone else) without finding a resolution. (Well, I may WANT to, but in the long run it’s better not to!) And I DEFINITELY shouldn’t gripe to the world via social media, because chances are, it’s something I can handle a little more privately.

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And honestly? The only people who like those type of ranting and raving posts..they aren’t usually going to be very genuine or lifelong friends more often than not, because everybody knows there’s ALWAYS two-sides to the story. And if someone’s that quick to agree with and coddle you without probing a little deeper, then how quickly will they believe things that someone else might rant and raves about when it’s against you?

Grow Up!

In my opinion, sulking about the issue and allowing all of those negative vibes to build up – which is part of what comes with the being offended – is a very immature and childish response. I tell my 5-year-old this, when she’s upset about something her brother, Chris or I do: “We’ve all moved on already, Jocelynn. So, if you’re going to stomp around with a grumpy looking face, then go and make yourself feel better by doing that in your own room, because nobody wants to be around that kind of attitude.”

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‘Nuff said.