Forgiving..Again and Again

Fine, I’ll Be Forgiving

Forgiving isn’t just something that’s done once, in order to forget about the past. It’s required daily – specifically with the people who I’m closest to. Let’s take my husband, for instance. I can choose not to forgive him for something, which means I’m also choosing to hold onto a grudge. 

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Marriage allows the art of forgiveness to be practiced enough to perfect it! Maybe that’s just mine? Ha! No, but wow. I never thought I’d get so familiar with the need to forgive someone!

If I choose to hold onto a grudge, the next thing I know is I’ll also be harboring bitterness. The more bitter I become, the more hard-hearted I’ll be to my husband. Then I’ll start to get increasingly more negative and sarcastic. For some, that’s what leads to the love between two people to start becoming virtually non-existent. 

Don’t Let the Bedbugs Bite

One of the most necessary things to practice in marriage, is never going to bed angry..ever. Yes, that means even if he refuses to budge on apologizing for the things that he might’ve done wrong. I can still forgive him, even without this. I’m still working on this one! It doesn’t come naturally, that’s for sure. 

Not going to bed angry is a detrimental to practice, and will help me to remain emotionally healthy. Here’s a couple of quotes that I like a lot, in regards to forgiveness:

  • “Forgiving doesn’t make the other person right – it just makes me free.”
  • “Not offering forgiveness damages the vessel that stores it, worse than anyone you can spit it on.”

There should be no one that I hold back forgiveness from in my life. I certainly shouldn’t be holding onto any grudges against my husband. I also understand this is MUCH easier said than done! 

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By forgiving others, I’m doing myself a favor too. It’s then that I’m free to truly live! 

““If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” Matthew‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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A Given: We Will Get Hurt 

Whether it’s accidental or purposely, if someone has hurt me I’ve got a choice to make…

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Obviously, at some point, all of us have either gotten or will get hurt by someone. 

When the time comes, and someone does end up hurting me – whether it’s unintentional or vengeful – I’m going to have a decision to make: 


I can forgive the person for whatever things they do or say that I feel hurt by, and try to move forward with the relationship. Each day I work towards having a peaceful existence in all aspects of my life, so this choice is the one that I’d hope that I would lean towards. I mean, let’s face it, my not being willing to forgive someone will continue to affect me, probably as much as the initial act that hurt me affected me. 

Be Offended 

The alternative is to choose being offended, and ultimately make the decision to distance myself from the other person. Since the way we instinctively react to someone hurting us is often based on how we’re feeling, this will usually be the most chosen option of the two. This is the one that’ll also lead us straight into isolation eventually, if we’re not careful.

Nobody’s perfect, so if I choose to be offended every time I get my feelings hurt, I’ll ultimately end up being with me, myself and I. And though I’m pretty damn good company to have around (I’m just saying), there’s likely going to come a time when not too far down the road, it sure might be nice to have another person to talk to. 

But, Either Way…

What I DON’T want to do – at least, in the long run – is whine and complain to my husband (or any other person) without coming to a resolution. And I DEFINITELY shouldn’t gripe about it to the world, via social media, because chances are it’s something that’s able to be handled in a more private fashion.

And honestly? The only people who like those type of ranting and raving posts..they aren’t usually going to be very genuine or lifelong friends more often than not, because everybody knows there’s ALWAYS two-sides to the story. And if someone’s that quick to agree with and coddle you without probing a little deeper, then how quickly will they believe things that someone else might rant and raves about when it’s against you? 

Grow Up!

In my opinion, sulking about the issue and allowing all of those negative vibes to build up – which is part of what comes with the being offended – is a very immature and childish response. I tell my 5-year-old this, when she’s upset about something her brother, Chris or I do: “We’ve all moved on already, Jocelynn. So, if you’re going to stomp around with a grumpy looking face, then go and make yourself feel better by doing that in your own room, because nobody wants to be around that kind of attitude.”

‘Nuff said.