Wanna know the “secret” to having a lifetime of love? Well, for our marriage, its been by making the teeny decision to proactively serve each other. My husband and I try putting our love into action by repeatedly doing this, as well as supporting one another, to the best of our ability.
Habits shape a relationship, you know? If you’ve just started out, do your best to begin with the right ones.
The Secret to Starting Off Right
I’ll share the “secret” to our success, and what I’ve found to be the most relevant ingredients for a happy marriage.
First and foremost (I’ve mentioned this word a few times already), keeping a secret from your spouse is a HUGE no-no! I hate being lied to, whether it’s directly or indirectly. A secret is a secret. It causes insecurity and distrust, which is definitely not ingredients to having a successful relationship!
Ok, so my secret confession is…I’m not a very affectionate woman. To put it mildly, physical touch comes nowhere close to speaking my love language! Now, that’s not to say I can’t stand touches from my husband, don’t misunderstand me. We’ve had a romantic relationship for about 17 years now, so there’s things I’ve grown to accept – and sometimes, tolerate. *pick and choose your battles
We daily kiss good morning and goodbye to start of the day, and kiss goodnight in the evening (multiple times). Plus, there’s various other moments that we show our affection throughout the day. Of course we hug, too – that’s something that I’d actually love doing more of! There’s something so comforting about resting my head on his chest, and just snuggling in. Well, sometimes, anyway.
Fun fact: his primary love language is physical touch. Sigh. So, I wouldn’t be serving his need for touch if I abandoned ship, when it comes to giving him some sugar!
Use Your Listening Ears
When I’m talking, I CANNOT stand interruptions. I’m pretty direct, and to the point, so it’s not like it’s a long-winded conversation! But, after having 4 kids (and years of interrupting), I’d rather end a conversation before having to repeat myself.
The thing is, listening can be somewhat of an art. I can be quiet, and hear what he’s saying, but to really serve my husband I need to also listen with my heart. I need to empathize and have compassion (another trait that I’m lacking in). It’s something that everyone deserves, especially from their spouse.
TRY Not to Leave Angry
Ok, ok, let’s not get crazy! The fact of the matter is, this is going to happen! He infuriates me, then decides to go for a walk, to get some fresh air. I proceed to get pissed, because it’s not like I get to make this decision – of going for a walk! “I’ve got kids to take care of, responsibilities..”“I don’t walk away until it is finished.”
Um, yeah. Ok, “Jesus”. Pretty sure that it’s a great idea, to take a breather from an intense disagreement, and that we should probably do it more often! (But, it’d be nice if I could take the walk occasionally. Just sayin’.)
The point is, if you can try and come to a respectable stopping point, remembering that you love each other and then step away..it’s ideal. If you can agree to disagree, that’s even better! Just don’t leave things in a nasty way. Not to sound cliché or anything, but you just never know…
Boy’s Day of the Dead Costume
What’s Done Is Done
Look through the photo albums together, watch some old home videos, reminisce by all means! Don’t (!!!) throw things that are long done and over with in each other’s faces. Focus on the present! One of my favorite bible verses is “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” -Matthew 6:34
It’s true, y’all. Marriage is hard! You’re going to have tons of issues. Deal with them as they come; don’t go backwards. Don’t worry about yesterday, don’t worry about tomorrow. Just today.
What God Has Joined Together
Ok, confession time again! We’re bad about this one: togetherness. Whether it’s scheduling conflicts, or whatever, we don’t have very many meals together. But, it’s such a great time to sit and talk about our day. Eating together should be something that brings you close, and provides enjoyment!
Then, there’s bedtime. Fall asleep next to each other! Don’t ever sleep in separate areas of the house. One, it’s just childish. And two, when you got married, the two of you became one. Meaning that, unless you’re able to miraculously pull off your left foot and have it sleep in a separate room than your right foot..you shouldn’t do this regarding your spouse, either! I don’t care how irritating their snoring is. *cough-cough
Friends are great! Get together with BBQ, the pool, etc. Days off should be spent together with your family, though! There needs to be at least one day – try going for both – on the weekend, when it’s just your family members that are hanging out together. Go for walks, sit on the porch, watch movies – togetherness can do some crazy (a good crazy) things for your marriage. Surprise, surprise!
If you wouldn’t talk to your boss or coworkers disrespectfully, you certainly shouldn’t do so with your wife. If you would talk disrespectfully to your boss, then still don’t talk that way to your spouse!
They deserve being handled gently, and with the utmost care. And be heard in the same manner! So, zip your lips, and pay attention!
Don’t just try to shut them up, and agree for the sake of an argument. It’ll cause confusion when you come back, on the whole other spectrum, later. It’ll also makes your spouse wonder about what other things you’ve said that you didn’t mean.
It’s Not All About You
Sometimes, you can do things simply for them, and solely because it’ll bring a smile to their face. That doesn’t mean that I’ve got to love what we’re doing! But I can love that he loves what we’re doing!
I feel so amazing and special, when he thinks about me and what I enjoy, when he’s planning a date. Specifically, when I know that he’d much prefer doing something completely different. Luckily, for him, he married a woman that loves his favorite thing – football! It’s something that initially brought us together, and it’s our most favorite time of year..football season.
He’s the diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan, to my True Blue, Dallas Cowboys, #wedemboyz chanting self! Some of the best memories we’ve got are in regards to football.
But I can also go to the
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Dwell on what it is that made you love each other for a little while. Fall in love, again and again.
Acknowledge that they’re never going to be perfect, but that they’re perfect for you. Let go of the screw-ups! She’s going to do it again, more than likely. But if she was perfect, could you really measure up? Accept his quirks.
We’re Some of the Lucky Ones
There are people out there who are searching, for just a little bit of what we have. We tend to forget, we might never find someone who looks at us this way, ever again..nor should we. Love’s vital to our lives. So when you find it, don’t let finances, third parties, or any other roadblocks ruin it.
You don’t want to look back, and realize, you lost a once in a lifetime gift. How tragic would that be?
We’re all just trying to make it in this world, but when you’ve got a partner, to hold your hand and have your back – it can be a big weight off your shoulders. Don’t let negativity blind you. Stop fantasizing about what “could be”, and put in the man power on what’s there right now!
“It doesn’t rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful & endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:6-7
How do you serve your spouse? What areas are you willing to confess you’re weak in? I’d like to hear your comments! And, please subscribe to my blog for a notification when any new entries are put up. Thanks for reading! Xoxoxo