The Secret of Serving: Marriage

The “secret” to a happy marriage? Serve each other. I’ll even share what I’ve found to be the the most relevant tips to having a lifetime of love.


Wanna know the “secret” to having a lifetime of love? Well, for our marriage, its been by making the teeny decision to proactively serve each other. My husband and I try putting our love into action by repeatedly doing this, as well as supporting one another, to the best of our ability.

Habits shape a relationship, you know? If you’ve just started out, do your best to begin with the right ones.

The Secret to Starting Off Right

I’ll share the “secret” to our success, and what I’ve found to be the most relevant ingredients for a happy marriage.

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First and foremost (I’ve mentioned this word a few times already), keeping a secret from your spouse is a HUGE no-no! I hate being lied to, whether it’s directly or indirectly. A secret is a secret. It causes insecurity and distrust, which is definitely not ingredients to having a successful relationship!

Ok, so the secret confession I have is…I’m not very affectionate. That’s putting it mildly, because physical touch is nowhere close to speaking my love language! Now that’s not to say I can’t stand touches from him, please don’t misunderstand me. We’ve been in a romantic relationship for about 17 years, so there’s things I’ve grown to accept – and sometimes tolerate. *pick and choose your battles

Our Daily Secret

We kiss daily, both good morning and goodbye, to start the day and end the night. Plus, there’s various other moments we show affection throughout the day. Of course, there’s also hugs – which is something I’d really love to do more of! There’s something so comforting, about resting my head on his chest and snuggling in. Sometimes anyway.

Fun fact: his primary love language is physical touch. Sigh. So, I wouldn’t be serving his need, if I abandoned ship and didn’t give him some sugar!

Use Your Listening Ears

When I’m talking, I CANNOT stand interruptions. I’m pretty direct, and to the point, so it’s not like it’s a long-winded conversation! But, after having 4 kids (and years of interrupting), I’d rather end a conversation before having to repeat myself.

The thing is, listening is somewhat of an art. I can be quiet, and hear what he’s saying, but in order to really serve my husband, I need to listen with my heart. I need to empathize, and have compassion (another trait I lack in). It’s something we all deserve, especially from our spouses.

TRY Not Leaving Angry

Ok, ok, let’s not get crazy! The fact is, it’s gonna happen. He infuriates me, and then HE decides to go for a walk, get some fresh air. I proceed getting pissed, because it’s not like I have the choice to do it – just go for a quick walk! “I’ve got kids to take care of, responsibilities..” “I don’t walk away until it is finished.”

Uh, yeah. Ok, “Jesus”. Pretty sure it’s a great idea to take a breather from intense disagreements, and that should probably be done more often! (But it’d be nice if I could take the walk occasionally. Just sayin’.)

The point is, if you can, try to come at a respectable stopping point. Remember you love each other, then step really is ideal. If you just can agree to disagree – even better! (That’s not often with my stubborn ass!) Just don’t leave things in a nasty way. Not to sound cliché, but you just never know…

Boy’s Day of the Dead Costume


What’s Done Is Done

Look through photo albums together, watch home videos..reminisce, by all means! Don’t (!!!) throw things, that are done and over with, in each other’s face. Focus on the present! One of my favorite verses is “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for it’ll bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough.” -‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:34‬‬

It’s true, y’all. Marriage is hard! You’re gonna have tons of issues. Deal with them when they come – don’t go backwards. Don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow. Just today. It’s all we’ve really got.

What God Has Joined Together

Ok, here we go again, it’s confession time! We’re bad about this one – togetherness. Whether it’s from scheduling conflicts or who knows what, we don’t have a lot of meals together. But it’s a really great time to sit and talk about the day. Eating together should be something that brings a family close, and gives everyone enjoyment!

And then, there’s bedtime. We should always fall asleep next to each other! Don’t ever sleep in a separate area of the house. One, it’s childish, and two – when we were married, we became one. Meaning, unless you’ve got a miraculously ability to pull off your left foot, and have it in a separate room than the’re wrong for doing it with your spouse! I don’t care how irritating their snoring gets. *cough-cough


Friends are awesome! Get together for some BBQ, hang out at the pool…But days off ought to be spent with your family. At least one of the days – try both – over the weekend, should be set aside for just your family. Go for walks, sit on the porch, watch movies – togetherness can do some crazy (good crazy) things for a marriage. Surprise, surprise!

Let’s talk about communication. If you don’t talk to people at work disrespectfully, you have no business doing so to your spouse. And if you would talk that way at work, you still don’t need to be doing it with your spouse! (And maybe start looking in the classifieds?)

They deserve to be handled gently, with the utmost care. And to be heard in the same manner! So, zip your lips, and pay attention.

Be Authentic

Don’t try to just shut them up, and agree to avoid an argument. It causes confusion when you come back to the issue. And it also will make your spouse wonder what other things you didn’t mean.

Hey! Know something? Life’s not all about you. Sometimes, do things simply for them, and solely because it brings a smile to their face. It doesn’t mean I’ve gotta love what we’re doing! But I can love that he loves it!

I feel so amazing and special, when he thinks about me and what I enjoy. Specifically, when I know he’d much rather be doing something different. Lucky for him, he married a woman who loves his favorite thing – football! It’s something that initially brought us together, and it’s our favorite time of year – football season.

He’s the diehard Kansas City Chiefs fan, to my True Blue Cowboys lovin’, #wedemboyz chanting! Some of the best memories we have are in regards to football.

But I can also go to the movie theater, and enjoy being next to him – if nothing else. I mean, I like Star Wars…I just don’t have to go stand in a ridiculous line to see it the first weekend it’s out! However, for him, I’ll do it.

Think Back

Dwell on what it was that made you love each other. Fall in love again and again.

Acknowledge they’re never going to be perfect, but they’re perfect for you. Let go of the screw-ups! She’s going to do it again, more than likely. But, if she was perfect, could you really measure up?

Accept his quirks.

We’re Some of the Lucky Ones

There are people out there searching, for just a little of what we’ve got. We tend to forget, we might never find someone that looks at us this way again..nor should we. Love’s vital to our lives. So when you find it, don’t let: finances, third parties, or any other roadblocks ruin it.

You don’t wanna look back, and realize you lost a once in a lifetime gift. How tragic would that be?

We’re all just trying to make it, but when you’ve got a partner to hold your hand, and have your back – it can be a big weight off your shoulders. Don’t let negativity blind you. Stop fantasizing about what “could be”, and put in the man power on what’s there now!

“It doesn’t rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful & endures through every circumstance.”‭‭ 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:6-7

How do you serve your spouse? What areas are you willing to confess weakness in? I’d like to hear your comments! And please subscribe to my blog for notifications of new entries. Thanks for reading! Xoxoxo

Author: J. Rut

Hi! I'm Jennifer: devoted wife, mom and Texan. Living that average late 30's lifestyle, which means doing my best to be fit - while drinking lots of caffeine -do things with my family, sell a house or two and be in constant communication with the Big Man Upstairs. Balancing it all gets insane, but there's not a thing I'd change. My life is a blessing!