When It’s Good, It’s VERY Good

Good

When I’m on a “feel-good” high, it’s like all is good in the world. It feels like I’ll never have to come down! Until, the hard stuff starts rolling through.

Having real, true happiness – joy – is one of the only things that’s strong enough to put an end to the waves of circumstantial emotions. It’s only possible by an ongoing relationship with Jesus Christ, however.

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As my life intertwines into Jesus’, there’s a realization that I’ve been given all the help I need to get through this time of difficulty, without getting caught gasping for air. Furthermore, I have the ability to change how I handle my blessings. I can do this by being realistic, and not fooling myself into believing that I’m on some sort of permanent high.


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True Joy

There’s happiness found in living in a relationship with Jesus daily. It grounds me, regardless of my circumstances. I personally have been learning this over the last couple of years. And while there’s still situations I’m at risk of falling into slumps, I can fully attest to the improvements.

You’ve got to be really prepared to have people who aren’t going to understand your disposition, though. In the middle of pretty dire financial issues recently, I had someone who I was close with, say some pretty hurtful things to me. At this particular time, they were far from Jesus. Some of the things that I heard were: I was irresponsible, clueless and basically dumb, when it came to money. These are just a few examples, but you get the point. They were simply on a whole different wavelength than I was.


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The thing about this is, I had a career in finance for almost a decade! I was none of the things they were referencing me to be, and I knew that. It was because I chose not to wallow in worry and negativity, and instead be at peace, they simply couldn’t understand where I was coming from.

Good Efforts

Of course I made attempts though, to explain how I got to that place. While I certainly knew things were needing to be paid, I also had faith in God’s provision. But, sometimes our words are just going to fall on deaf ears. Especially if people have a faithless perspective, then this concept isn’t one they’ll be able to grasp.

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On the other hand, there’s some events that still affect me deeply. So much so, that I can pray and seek God’s wisdom, and continue to feel my spirits sinking. This was how I felt yesterday, as myself and my family were getting back home from church. We began to hear the tragedy happening with another church, in Sutherland Springs, which is about 45 miles from us.

The Hits Keep On Coming

The evening just brought more details, and all I could feel was this lump forming inside of my throat, and it kept growing. This was a smaller congregation in comparison to ours and the church members were simply meeting as they regularly would on Sunday mornings. They were going to worship the Lord. I’m certain they’d never have come close to thinking some individual would be on his way to cause the community terror like it had never known, resulting in most of their lives being lost.

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This kind of event is something I imagine none of us, regardless of our beliefs, can fathom happening so close to home. We wonder what possibly could’ve been the purpose for this! I sat watching all of the devastatingly young faces, with their ages displaying across the screen. The best way to describe it, was that I felt like someone was repeatedly sitting on my chest, making it extremely hard to breathe.

Senseless. WHY? Heartbreaking. HOW? Pure evil.

Terrifying Thoughts Overpowering Good

We take our sweet six-year-old girl to her room at church every week, while our fifteen-year-old makes his way to the youth building. These families are like my family!

My mind can’t wrap itself around those sweet babies feeling the fear they must’ve felt in their final moments. I pray it wasn’t long.

And what about the Moms? Women like myself, who were certainly distraught in the last thoughts they might’ve had, about the precious gifts they were given by God. There’s never once they likely thought to have concerns. Not about their families, not in this sacred location. Yet still, shot after shot rang out.

The fact this was the first night of it getting darker earlier with the time change, was only adding to my anxiety. Nighttime has always been able to have negative effects on me, particularly when I was dealing with some heavy anxiety and depression.

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So tonight, on this particular day, I was going to focus on God’s Word, in conjunction with being in prayer. Nothing though, no feeling of ease would ever come. More of each, then. Still, however…I could feel my heart racing.

Real Talk

The quiet conversations I was having with Him were now becoming more raw. “I don’t understand. These are YOUR people, God, and there were so many babies…Look, I know You’re real, I get that You’re good. But I just don’t see…”

And that was really what it came down to. I didn’t see. I’m not Him. No matter how closely my worldview comes to being as His is, I’ll still never completely know the purpose of these kinds of things. Not on this side of heaven.

I’VE TOLD YOU THIS SO THAT MY JOY MAY BE IN YOU AND THAT YOUR JOY MAY BE COMPLETE. JOHN 15:11 NIV

So, as painful as it may be, I must choose to trust. And yet again, the light will always shine through in the morning. That’s when I, too, have been called to go shine. Shine my light on the world, like a city on the hill. This was never meant to be an easy life, nor a comfortable one. This isn’t home.

But it still can be good..as I align my life with His. Even though others might look and perceive me as delusional, I have to continue moving forward, in His peace. And, who knows – maybe one of these times, someone will have more questions about it, this transcending peace I have.

Author: J. Rut

Hi! I’m Jennifer: devoted wife, mom and Texan. Living that average late 30’s lifestyle, which means doing my best to be fit – while drinking lots of caffeine -do things with my family, sell a house or two and be in constant communication with the Big Man Upstairs. Balancing it all gets insane, but there’s not a thing I’d change. My life is a blessing!