Losing My Way

Christians Beware: Losing Everything Is Still An Option!

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Christianity isn’t something that guarantees people an easier life. I’m a Christian, and the truth is, I’ve been disillusioned into thinking that my faith could never be swayed. But I don’t believe this any longer. I know that as a believer, I’m just as capable of getting lost as anyone else. 

The reality is that it can happen again – to me and to any of you.

Cause I Gotta Have Faith

I have no desire to wake up one day and find myself so far from my faith, that it feels impossible to get it back..at least to where it was. The key to maintaining a strong spiritual walk is being consistent in working at it. AND heavily guarding it. It has to be both! I know that now. 

The things we find ourselves tempted by aren’t going to just go away. If I find myself unmotivated to do my Bible reading/studies, the temptations have this absolutely grotesque ability to presenting themselves in a very strong way the second I decide to let my focus shift – no matter how shortly it shifts. Don’t give these bastards the opportunity to sneak their way in! In an instant of weakness, everything can change. You see, I’ve learned that just because I’m in this faith spot today, it’s not guaranteed I’ll be here tomorrow. 

Recently I found myself in a spot where there was a pretty major decision that I had to make. On the left, I was being offered the chance at throwing caution to the wind; to live in the moment. And on the right, I had the promise of certain victory, though maybe not instantly. Letting it all go in an instant – ONE instant – had I not been mindful of what I’d be turning away from. 

Sad But True

What’s sad, is that I see people daily who are choosing to turn in the opposite direction. I don’t judge them, or at least, I work really hard to not judge them – because I too have felt the pressure to cave. This type of “freedom” to go on and live without regards: to my responsibilities, to my faith. “Just do you”. Can I just say…what a crock that statement is?!

That option, to “just do you”? I don’t have that option. And neither do you. It’s a bullshit lie! Because, whether I choose to face it or not, what I do – it affects way more than just me. What I do will reach down to my family, and to everybody I’m close with – hell, even to people I’ve never met! “Just do you” is something people tell themselves to release any ownership. 

BUT – and there’s always a “but” – there’s some good news. I don’t live disillusioned (at least in THIS sense) anymore. I know that if I let my guard down I can easily be swayed. For many people, being swayed has already been the case. (I’m getting to the positive part, I promise!)

So you let yourself fall asleep at the wheel, and everything you worked up to dissipated in a hot minute? Guess what? You can get it back! It might be hard..no, scratch that, it WILL be hard! And you might be facing consequences as part of the aftermath from your decisions..this is part of what goes along with “just doing you”, so pony on up and deal with it!

But start wherever you’re at, and begin to rebuild the life that you’re meant to live! It’s a great life, you know?

“It’s Ok. She’s Ok.”

What runs through your mind when you hear, and then see, terror has struck where your child plays? Well, I got to find out exactly what earlier this morning!

Once again…I’ve been reminded of God’s grace, His provision and of my lacking the knowledge that He has. Why do things happen the way they do? To one person and not another? I don’t know. But He does. And that’s what makes it ok.

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2 Chainz Tickets

Let me go back a little first. 

A Normal Day

This is a picture of what our daily afternoon looks like: I pick Jocelynn up from school, she gives me a hug, and then she drops her stuff to go play with all of her Kindergarten friends in the courtyard. 

Since she doesn’t have a lot of friends around the neighborhood to play with, once we get home, I usually let her stay for as long as she likes on most days. In fact, 4 out of 5 times, we’ll be the last ones walking off the school grounds, without a car in sight – meaning no traffic! (yay!)

Chain of Events – Yesterday 

When Jocelynn told me she’d be bringing the class stuffed animal home yesterday, I was a little surprised. You see, Beatrice the Bee (a Winnie the Pooh, dressed as a bee) makes her rounds throughout the year. Each child (roughly 24-25 in their class) takes her home for the night, and they have a couple of notebooks in the bag that Beatrice gets carried in which they attach photos, or draw one, plus write a sentence or two about their time together. 

Beatrice the Bee

The kids, including my girly, greatly anticipate when it will be their turn to take home Beatrice the Bee. Which is why the last time Jocelynn brought her home, I put my OCD to use and calculated the rough amount of days until the next visit. Based on the above picture, that was taken on March 29th, she should have gotten Beatrice (remember, weekends and holidays) one more time before summer break, in mid-May. 

So 19 school days later – with 24-25 kids in the class – seemed early to bring her home again. Whew, we’re all caught up on the timeline, right? 

The Day When I showed up to get Jocelynn yesterday, we did the usual and went by the courtyard. She ran around twice, then said she was ready to go. I figured that was due to the wind blowing, (it was over 20 mph!!) in addition to the excitement to get Beatrice home and play. 

I’m the classroom mom, so sometimes I get questions or messages from other moms about things. And I didn’t think much when one of the moms text me at 4:20pm asking for someone else’s number. I thought it was a little odd that she’d put a couple of exclamation points on the text, but no big deal. My family tells me I get over-animated in my messages also. 

This Morning 

Today is geared up to be an exciting day for the Kindergarten class! It’s Fiesta day, (we DO live in San Antonio, y’all) and tomorrow there will be no school (Battle of Flowers Parade), making for a 3-day weekend. 
So this morning, we were running around getting together the normal backpack stuff (I’m NOT that mom who prepares the night before); plus Beatrice and her bag, then Jocelynn’s Fiesta Float! It was crazier than usual! 

She was so excited, especially about showing Mrs. Socha her picture of Beatrice in front of “the beautiful sky that God made” with her. We get in the class just in time (one day maybe I’ll understand why I make things harder on myself – HA!!), and the room was a madhouse, as expected. 

Putting The Pieces Together

The mama that had text me yesterday, was talking to Mrs. Socha about how her daughter had gotten some scratches, but other than catching that piece I didn’t pay much attention. After 4 kids, I have to hear the words “blood and guts” to be phased; my husband likes to remind me how I MUST start working on developing the compassion gene I’m lacking. 

Then, the little girl who got the scratches (who’s also a close friend of Jocelynn’s) comes over and starts talking to her about the incident which gave her the wound. That’s what gave me cause to pause.

You see, these scratches weren’t just from running around and rough-housing, as kids typically do. THIS had taken place right out in our school courtyard the day prior…

What We’d Missed

The kids started out doing their normal running around, until it got down to the last 3 of them on the school grounds with their parents – where we would’ve been, had we not brought Beatrice home…19 days later from the last time we’d brought her home. The kids were taking a break, sitting at the blue table in the middle of the courtyard. Meanwhile, the mom’s were over chatting on the sidewalk.

I remember talking to Jocelynn, when we got home, about how the wind was howling outside. It was really making its presence known.

That presence came crashing down, via one of the large trees, which stood directly next to the table that the kids were breaking at. This was the very tree that was used every day after school, for their base while playing tag, that now was splitting off to land on, and over them. 

Jocelynn’s best buddy, with the scratches, had been sitting in the small opening of the branches as it split on each side of her – hence, coming out with some minor injuries. Another little boy that’s also in their class, as well as a little girl in another Kinder class, had become lodged underneath the branches and parts of the tree. The boy was the one that required the most effort to get out, which ended up being provided by two dads who walked around the corner of the building (likely coming from their Watch Dog duty) to the women’s cries for help, as the moms were doing what they could, through their own efforts to help the kids.

Wait. What?

As I listened to the little girl continue talking, my supermom senses turned on. I know you know what I mean, moms! When you’re hearing multiple conversations, and observing behaviors, all the whiles having your own wheels spinning..yeah, those senses!

I was hearing the child, as I turned back over to the conversation to listen to her mom, who was still also talking about it. Meanwhile, I was also observing Mrs. Socha (whom I love dearly) tearing up. She told us that her heart had stopped when she’d heard the commotion from the classroom, and walked out to see the mess! She wasn’t aware of who’d been involved at the time, but she knew many of her kids usually stayed longer to play.

State of Shock
I walked over to the window in the classroom, which is directly behind where the tree was, and I felt what could only be described as a strange state of shock. Actually, I had to reach into my memory of the previous afternoon: “Wait. After school yesterday? I was here, wasn’t I? I’m always here. I’m always the LAST one here? Huh?” “Ohhh. No, that’s right…Beatrice. She came home with us.” “Deep breaths. It’s ok. She’s ok.”

It’s crazy that I managed to miss the tree while I was bringing Jocelynn into the school. We have to walk right by that spot to get inside. Funny how much we live, and breathe, on autopilot, isn’t it? Moving from Point A to Point B, day in and day out. Never paying very much attention to the details of life going on around us, like that large tree covering the table that your child sits at daily!

Assessing the Damage

After I’d left the class, and was back outside – I could only stare, somewhat dazed by the scene. The mom of the other little girl who’d been there, walked up and laid out all the frightening details that had taken place, again, for me. 

You can see part of the seat to the table underneath.

Praise God for the kids being ok, besides a few bumps and scrapes! And mentally shaken, no doubt. 

I’m thankful for there being one less child under there. That MY child wasn’t under there.

And I’m humbled, too. I thought I had knew what was going to take place in the future, you know? When Beatrice the Bee would be coming home with us again. But even then, what would seem to be such a minute matter, I wasn’t grasping how I’ll NEVER be able to control things! Because, just when you think you’ve got things figured out…


Danger lurks everywhere. Even in the elementary school courtyard. God’s always one step ahead, though, working things out for His glory. 

Deep breath. “It’s ok. We’re ok. She’s OK!!

Be Here Now What I’ve taken from all of this: Live in the now! Right now! Stop worrying about tomorrow, and think only of today. Thank you for that reminder, God. 

“I am leaving you with a gift..peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27 NLT

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